God first. Life second.

this week's milestones

2012-02-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

Happy four weeks to my little Bray-Bray! :-) As we like to call him, he's our big, strong boy! In addition to the four-week milestone, here are a few others....

1. He pooed on the carpet. Yes. Carpet. Fun, huh? As I mentioned in an earlier post, he's extremely good at pooping and/or peeing while his diaper is off. Yes, everyone warned me about the peeing, but nobody said nothing about pooping. Hmmmmm.

2. He peed on his head. Yes. Head. I stepped outside with Tucker for a minute. I walked back in and Erik said, "Did you give Brayden a bath?"

"No. Why?"

"His head, arm, and hand are wet."

"Really?"

We surmised that while we were making dinner and Brayden was laying on his playmat, somehow he peed up his side and reached his head and made a nice pee-spot on his playmate. We were amazed and slightly disgusted. Laundry and a dual-parent bath quickly followed.

3. We caught his first smile on camera.

Most likely it's just a gaseous, random smile from a newborn, but let's pretend and say he's a well above average, smiling at just three and a half weeks old. :-)

Soon-to-come milestones:

-February 11th is his official first month birthday! Maybe Erik and I should celebrate with cake....

-He's very close to outgrowing some of his newborn clothes!

Being a parent is exhausting, overwhelming, and yet somehow extremely wonderful. I'm enjoying the moments and surviving the days and always looking to catch some more sleep.

When we say our prayers before bed, I'm always quick to say thank you to the Lord for Brayden. It was a long road to holding a baby in our arms for keeps and I dearly miss my little Brody, but both things make me ever-so-much-more grateful for our little sweetie Brayden. I know we have lots of good moments, days, and memories ahead with him. For that, Lord, I am truly grateful.

morning feedings, babies, and hope

2012-02-01T07:10:00.000-08:00

In my extensive experience as mother of a newborn (all three weeks of it!), I've noticed that mothers live from hope to hope. We hope that after we feed our babies the last feeding before bed that he/she will quickly go to sleep. We hope that they'll sleep an extra hour than usual. We hope that if they don't sleep an extra hour that perhaps after the next feeding they'll sleep an extra hour, maybe even two. We hope our baby will stay asleep for an extra five minutes so we can finish cleaning the kitchen or writing thank you notes or catching some z's. We hope they'll stay awake for company so they can sleep later in the night. We hope.

I find that hope is what keeps me going when I'm exhausted at 4 a.m. feeding little Brayden. I am hopeful that he'll not cry when I change his diaper, he'll eat fast, and he'll fall asleep quickly so I can quickly get back into my bed and get as much sleep as possible before he feeds again--all without waking Erik so Erik can get as much sleep as possible before he heads to work!

Let me clarify why I like when Brayden happens to eat quickly at night... newborns feed every 2-3 hours, but that doesn't mean they eat, wait 2-3 hours, and eat again. The 2-3 hour clock starts when they start feeding. So if they eat at 9 a.m., take one hour to eat and another fifteen minutes to fall asleep, you'll have potentially 45 minutes until they want to eat again at 11 a.m. That's why moms are always hopeful that their babies will have a longer stretch than two hours between feeding and/or the feeding goes relatively quickly so they can get back to bed before the next feeding!

So a few days ago when I started thinking about this hopefulness I have as a mother, it reminded me of life. In life, we always need to have hope. When hope is gone, there's nothing left to hang onto. We need to have hope in something (or Someone!) that things will change, good things are ahead, etc.

I'm a goal-oriented person, and I think this is why I'm always hopeful. I feel weird if I don't have some goal, something to look forward to or hope in. I'll create my own goals when I don't have anything to get excited about and say, "If I do this and this by the end of the day, I'll get Dairy Queen for myself!"

This need for hope is especially true if you are going through a difficult situation. No matter what type of situation - relational, financial, grief-related, etc. - you need hope that something will change.

The Bible says that God is the God of all hope. He provides you with promises and truth to hope in. He also gives you practical things to hope in as you go throughout your day. If you don't have anything to hope in or look forward to, ask Him to give you something.

Hebrews chapter 6 puts it this way: our hope in the Lord anchors our soul. The Message Bible says this (verses 18-20):

"We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God...."

Your hope in the Lord may not be answered in the way you think, but it will be answered. That is our solid hope, our "unbreakable spiritual lifeline," and the anchor for our soul.

----

on a personal note: three weeks ago I was at the hospital in labor! Happy three weeks to baby Brayden!

For him, having his hands by his face is pure happiness. :-)

poopy diapers and God's grace

2012-01-25T10:21:00.000-08:00

**Fair warning: poop is discussed in this post, and yes, I am a new mom!**

So my timing for changing poopy diapers is way off. I guarantee that at least three out of every five times I change Brayden's diaper, within seconds of changing him or even right after I get a clean one under him, I hear the lovely "tooting" sound again. I think, "Really?!?"

It's been two weeks (yay for his two-week birthday!) and at least five times I've been through 2-3 diapers in one change thanks to his pooping through the clean one I stick under him (but haven't closed up!). Today was probably the "worst" yet - I changed one diaper and then was cleaning him up and got projectile poop all over. (BTW - this isn't like toddler poop; it's baby, non-formula poop, so it isn't quite as nasty as it would be after he starts on solid foods.)

After throwing in load #54 of laundry (okay, maybe not quite that many), I grabbed some ice cream and got ready for the day (the ice cream came from the nap I wished I had, but Brayden wasn't taking because of said poopy diaper). While eating the amazing chocolate mint ice cream Erik picked up a few days ago, I looked over at Brayden and thought about what just happened and had a revelatory moment. Perhaps one reason God gives us babies is because they keep us humble. Right when we think we have it all figured out (changing a poopy diaper should be easy enough, right?) our babies go and change it up on us. They'll poop through that third diaper, create the 14th load of laundry, or change our sleep schedule unexpectedly. They're not necessarily the boss of you, but they do show you that you don't know everything.

This whole pregnancy thing has been humbling for me as well: asking for and accepting help from anyone and everyone, not being able to proactively clean my own house, not being able to take care of my own family (I was taking care of my family; I just was taking care of an unborn baby from the couch, which doesn't feel like much!), etc. It was hard! And it looks like the humility lessons will simply continue.

James 4:6 says that God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Maybe that's one reason why we have babies: so we can be humbled by the poop under our fingernails, the moments we forget our words, and the topsy-turvy schedules and ultimately receive God's grace to live instead of living life on our own.

So today, I'm asking God for grace, His undeserved favor, and His abundant strength to live.

Brayden's praying the prayer too....

:-)

newborns need a warning label

2012-01-22T23:30:00.000-08:00

Future first-time parents... this is for you.

The first 2-3 nights with Brayden were overwhelming for me and Erik, to say the least. So to future parents, here's something I think may help you so if/when you have a kid, you'll know you are not alone.

1. In the first night, day, two, or both, you will question your sanity in thinking a child was a good thing.

2. You may even question God's sanity in bringing babies to children without an instruction manual... and letting sleep-deprived parents make decisions for someone else's life. (I will never forget that moment in the hospital when I had a talk with God about this.)

3. Your marriage will be tested. Wives - whether or not you like it, your life will be full on mother for a while, since you are needed for feedings, especially if you are nursing. Husbands - your wife will not be your own for a while. You'll need to share. (Sorry!) From all that I can tell, this is a season because they tell me babies do wind up sleeping through the night and stop eating every 2-4 hours. That means more time to be both a mom and a wife and not just a mom.

4. You will not think straight. Overall, I've got my head screwed on pretty straight. I know what's happening around me and how people respond to me and think clearly, etc. Then I had Brayden, and seriously, I couldn't think straight or remember or say things quite right. I looked over at Erik one time riding back to the house and said, "I'm not making sense, am I?" He said, "Nope." Oh well.

5. Sleep. You will miss it. But there is grace for this season. Of all people, I need sleep more than most. If you know me well, you know I don't function well on lack of sleep. So this is a tough one, but I've had moments where I've literally felt the grace to wake up every 2-4 hours and feed him and I adore two hours straight of sleep and consider that an amazing thing (when just a couple weeks ago that would have been barely enough!).

6. You will be frustrated. This is common when it's 4 a.m., you've changed your baby's diaper, fed them, made sure he's warm enough, and done everything you know to do, and he's still red in the face from screaming, trying to get some type of point across. I don't really know how to answer "what to do" on this yet, since I'm still learning, but take a deep breath and/or cry out for help from the Lord! Hold your baby and trust that as parents you have the grace and wisdom to comfort your baby as needed.

So, new parents and parents-to-be, if you've had any of these thoughts or frustrations, you are not alone. A bunch of parents I've talked to smile when I tell them my experiences and feelings and then they remember they too had the "What have I done?!" moment with their first babies... you just don't always hear about it.

You're not alone; pretty much everyone has probably had the same types of thoughts as you. Remember, this too shall pass. :-)

As for us, we are getting slowly adjusted to life with a baby. Our family and friends continue to be amazing to us. (Thank you!) And we are once again reminded of the value of community. Community is how the moms and dads survived who didn't have nurses to ask questions to. Community is how parents survived who couldn't read or watch YouTube videos or read other people's blogs. So I'm learning again to learn from others because they've been there and done that and have great ideas that will help make my life easier.

He's here!!!!

2012-01-17T16:43:00.000-08:00

Erik and I are very happy to announce that Brayden Allen Wegener was born on Wednesday, January 11, 2012. He was 38 weeks and 2 days along, came at 12:31 p.m., weighed in at 7 lbs., 9 ounces, and was 21 inches long.

In other words, this (me at 38 weeks)...

...became this.

What a joy. :-)

We are all doing well even though exhausted and still trying to figure out what just happened! Tuck is very good with his new baby brother. Thank you for all the special comments, gifts, and congratulations. We appreciate you and your support through this journey!!!!

Lots more pictures and stories to come.

One final pic: the boys in my family.

Love.

happy new year!

2012-01-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012! And happy birthday to my brother, Brian! He would have been 33 years old today. Now he's hanging out in heaven and maybe he's getting a heavenly birthday cake - I bet that's some amazing cake and frosting! :-) Here are a couple pics of my family from a few years ago. I have a ton of cute ones of me and Brian, but I don't think they are in electronic format yet.

Brian, I love you dearly and miss you! I think about you and I am grateful that I know we'll meet again one day in heaven. Yahoo! You'll be healthy and wonderful and we'll be hanging out together worshiping Jesus. That sounds amazing. Take care of my little boy up there. Say hi to Grandma. Love you much!

Just last night I told Erik that 2012 is going to be a much more active year than 2011... both thanks to our baby Brayden. 2011 was filled with bedrest... 2012 will be filled with taking care of baby. Exciting! I am looking forward to seeing what this next chapter of our lives looks like!

I hope you have a wonderful New Year and that it is filled with God's blessings and abundant grace in your life. :-)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-22T18:45:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite parts of the Christmas season is hearing the good news of Jesus being born proclaimed by Christians and non-Christians alike through Christmas carols. People of all ages know the story of Jesus coming to earth as a baby, even if only because they are singing about it

Perhaps God knew that Jesus coming as a baby would make a longer lasting impression than a king coming to earth, like the Jews expected to see Him. If Jesus had come as a king, the people of that day would have treated him differently. The world's attention would be captivated by this "king" and every move He made, but would that wonder have remained through the decades and centuries to follow? If He had come as a king, my guess is that people would have looked back at Him as just another ruler who wanted to bring His way to the earth. Many men have made a resounding impact on history as a ruler. No one, except Jesus, has made a resounding impact because they were born.

Let me put it this way: If God has come in a big, grandiose way, perhaps the wonder of His coming that leaves people singing songs about it today wouldn't have mesmerized the world for years to come.

God knows how we as humans think. He knows that the unassuming birth of a baby in a stable - with miraculous happenings surrounding the birth - would captivate the attention of the world throughout all time.

Speaking of attention and fascination, last night Erik and I were reading Luke chapter 2, probably the most common telling of the Christmas story. After the shepherds were visited by the angels, this is what happens (verses 15-18):

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

I noticed that after the shepherds spread the news of baby Jesus, "all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds."

They wondered and marveled at the news - but they didn't rush to see Jesus. I don't know if that happened or the Bible didn't include that part or it wasn't the culture of the day to visit new babies, but I got stuck on that last night. In my head, that "wonder" the Bible records could have been, "Wow, that's a great story!" or "Really? That's crazy!" and as soon as the shepherds left, "Wonder if that really happened!"

Did they chalk up the story to drunkeness or craziness on the shepherd's part? Shepherds were low on the totem pole of life in those days. Did they truly believe what had just happened? Maybe they did and they were truly fascinated, but I wonder if the news changed any of their lives.

So I ask myself this: do the wonder and miracles of the Christmas story mesmerize me? If so, do I let that wonder transform my belief in God and remind me of His miracle-working power? Or do I just chalk it up to a crazy tale?

All that to say, may the glory of Christmas and the wonder of God's story truly fill your hearts and lives this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas!

Love, Erik, Laura, and Baby Brayden...

....and Tucker!

P.S. Last year, I wrote another post about Christmas that also explores the wonder of the Christmas story. If you're up for another read, you can read the full post here.

unanswered prayer

2011-12-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

It's hard in our finite, limited knowledge to know what to do when we don't see our prayers answered the way we expect God to. Why doesn't God just give us what He says He will... healing, deliverance, financial freedom, etc.?

I don't know. I know enough Scripture to be dangerous and give you a bunch of rules and regulations - essentially a checklist for your prayers. Make sure you ask in faith, without doubt, with the right heart motive, etc. But God is not a checklist to be followed. You'll see variety throughout the Bible - even variety in the way He answers prayers. I think back to all the people Jesus healed and how every healing looked different. I think the same remains true today. Every healing and every answered prayer will look different. Sometimes it will look exactly as you had planned; other times it will be completely unexpected. I think it's important to seek God for yourself and find out what God wants you to do in each situation that arises.

I googled "unanswered prayer" and Garth Brooks' song came up (dear heaven, am I really using a country song again in my blog? What's happening!!). It's called Unanswered Prayers. The verse basically says that he and his wife were visiting his hometown and ran into his high school flame - the lady he had prayed God would let him marry. He quickly came to the conclusion he was glad he hadn't married her! The chorus goes:

Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.

It reminds me that we have an idea in our heads of how our lives should turn out. In this case, that high school beauty queen was exactly who Garth wanted to marry - when he was 18. God knows, though, the whole story. He knows what we'll need at 18, 30, 50, and 76. He knows what other people will need from us. He also knows how the whole world works together and how our lives fit into the bigger picture.

And somehow if my little world crumbles because my prayers go unanswered once again, I should do my best to remember:

a) Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (a.k.a. God is smarter than me)

b) Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (a.k.a. Don't quit!)

When I don't give up - I keep living for God as best as I can while trusting Him to perform His Word - God will respond. It may not look exactly like I had planned (see point a) and I can almost guarantee it won't happen when I planned (see point a) but it doesn't give me a reason to quit (see point b).

It reminds me of one other song - a worship one by Rita Springer - that calms me when I hear it.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

my pregnancy story continues

2011-12-14T11:37:00.000-08:00

I'm learning more and more that everyone has a story in life. Everyone has difficulties and things they will face that make up their story. Some stories are complicated and start early on. Some complications don't wrinkle stories until later on in life.

The crazy thing is that you will always (repeat: always!) be able to find a story that is "worse" than yours and one that is "better" than yours. The solution, I'm finding, is to take your story and make do with it the best you can. Don't compare your highs and lows to other people; just keep trucking along to live out the story that is your life. God knows your story; He knows other people's stories and He knows why you got the story you did and someone else got a different story.

I never realized how many different pregnancy stories there could be. Some people's story is infertility. Other people's story is miscarriages. Others yet, the baby doesn't make it inside the womb. Other yet, the mother's body doesn't carry to full-term all that well.

Each of these types of stories have victories and tragedies at the end. From adoption to full-term babies to miracle preterm births to who knows what else, happy endings are always a possibility. Unfortunately, the happy endings often start with heartbreak.

For me, the first pregnancy was great, and we didn't know there was a problem until too late. During this second pregnancy, we are aware my body is the one that has potential problems in going full-term. As a result, we've been able to take precautionary measures that have kept baby in until 34 weeks and 4 days--and counting!

It hasn't been easy. On Monday I went in with preterm labor, although I wasn't sure if it was a false alarm or what was going on. Thankfully, I did go in and they could stop the labor. They also gave baby a steroid that helps stabilize and build his lungs even quicker, in case he would come early. (Thank you, Lord, for all these technological advancements!)

Last night I ended up back in the hospital with questionable things going on. Turns out I got a huge infection common to pregnancy that somehow popped up between Monday and Thursday. I'm on an antibiotic now, and doing my best to rest well!

All that to say, baby and I are well. I'm tired. Baby's active, and we're both still truckin' to the finish line. Soon I'll be posting with pictures of our baby! I can't even fathom it. I'm sure I'll be crying many times in the future over my gratefulness.

today's top 5 (12/9/11)

2011-12-09T07:02:00.001-08:00

1. 33 weeks 4 days, baby is still cooking! The countdown continues... three days until I'm 34 weeks along, two and a half weeks until the cerclage comes out, after which baby will be free to come when he wants. We're hoping for 38-40 weeks, which is four and a half to six and a half weeks away. Wow! I'm so grateful I'm this far along and baby is healthy. I'm glad I'm healthy and we only have a few more weeks of waiting. Thank you, Lord, for bringing me this far and that you'll continue to bring me and baby all the way to full-term!

2. Podcasts. Yesterday and today I listened to the same podcast message from Pastor John Hagee. It encourages me and reminds me that God is on my side. No matter what circumstances look like, God is stable and faithful and will bring about His deliverance and freedom in the end. A couple quotes I liked (I could literally copy down the first five minutes it was so encouraging!):
"Never rewrite your theology to accommodate a tragedy going on in your life."
"Fit your situation to the Bible and press forward to the destiny God has for you."

3. Friends. Okay this one often makes it on my top 5 list just because every time I see my friends, I'm grateful for them. :-) They make me smile and laugh; they give me a place to share my thoughts, and they take care of me. Thank you to my wonderful friends for being such a light and encouraging part of my life!

4. Laughter. So a week or so ago I was telling Erik something and starting laughing pretty hard at my story and Erik looked at me and said something like, "You've been cooped up way too long." Since then I realized that I've been laughing perhaps a little too hard at my own jokes! I think I've been holed up on the sofa so long just dealing with the regular ins and outs of our house life as well as a heightened sensitivity to this pregnancy... all that to say, I haven't been out much with people and I fully take advantage of any opportunity to laugh and sometimes it might be harder than the joke warrants, but laughter is wonderful and makes me feel good. :-)

5. Food! LOL... I just had an amazing piece of garlic bread (compliments of a wonderful friend who brought over dinner) and I love enjoying wonderful bits of goodness like that!

I guess I have a #6 today... it's Friday and that means we're heading into another weekend! Which means at the end of the weekend I'll be 34 weeks along... every single day and moment counts for my baby!

Have a wonderful weekend!

God is always there

2011-11-30T06:23:00.001-08:00

I'm a musician, so I connect with music pretty easily. Sometimes it speaks to me exactly what I need. Today, I've been thinking through this song. The video is below with the lyrics following. You may not have a chance to listen to the whole song, but I still think the lyrics will bless you. I highlighted my favorite parts. Have a great day!

I wonder how it must have felt
When David stood to face Goliath on a hill
I imagine that he shook with all his might
Until You took his hand, and held on tight

'Cause You were there
You were there
In the midst of danger's snare
You were there, You were there always
You were there when the hardest fight
Seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So there he stood up upon that hill
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill
But God in all His sovereignty had bigger plans
And just in time, You brought a lamb

'Cause You were there
You were there
In the midst of the unclear
You were there, you were there always
You were there when obedience
Seemed to not make sense
You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So haven't I learned that my ways
Aren't as high as Yours are
And You alone keep the universe
From crumbling into dust
You are God and though we would
Not have understood you
There You were
Hanging blameless on a cross
You would rather die than leave us in the dark
Every moment, every planned coincidence
Just all makes sense
With your last breath

You were there, You were there
During history's darkest hour
You were there, You were there always
You were the Victor and the King
You were the power in David's swing
You were the calm in Abraham
You are the God who understands
You are the strength when we have none
You are the living, Holy one
You were, You are, and You will always be
the Risen Lamb of God

old writing + new revelation = good stuff!

2011-11-25T12:40:00.001-08:00

I was looking through past writings of mine and found an old "tattle-on-myself story" that ending up working perfectly with what I was reading last night in the Bible. Fun how that works out! :-)

---

The stove.

The dials for each burner are clearly labeled: front left,front right, back left, back right. Diagrams are next to each dial in casepictures work better for you than words. You’d imagine no one could get itwrong.

And then I walk up to it.

Before going further, let me make a disclaimer. While in school,a quarter without my name on the honor roll was like blue grass or purple skies. Igraduated from college with honors and have held down a job within my field of interestsince then.

To be more succinct: I’m smart.

But for some reason, when it comes to the daily tasks of life, my brain doesn’talways add 1 + 2 and get 3. Case in point: once I was making quesadillas fordinner and highly anticipating the smile on my husband’s face as he cleaned hisdinner plate, grateful for an amazing wife who is thoughtful enough to preparedinner each night for him.

The quesadillas were in the pan, heating up, as my husbandplayed with our puppy. Five minutes pass, then ten. After twenty minutes, I wasflustered and concerned. Every time I flipped the quesadillas, nothing changed. No golden brown touched the tortilla and the cheese wasn’t even melting - yet I could feel heat emanating from thestove. It was so strange!

I started to complain to my husband. “These quesadillas aretaking forever! You’d think they’vebe done by now!”

"Is the burner on?"

"Of course it is! I can feel the heat!"

Then it dawned on me. The heat was coming from the burner behind my pan, not the one underneath it.

After an “oops” slipped out of my mouth, I explained thesituation to my husband with blushing cheeks. Dinner was ready 3 minutes later.

Sometimes the things we need most in life are right in frontof us. For me, lately, it has been God’s faithfulness. I know God is faithful, and I have remembered it time and again over these past few years. But over the past few weeks, I’ve forgotten it. It's as though I moved my hopes and dreams from the burner of His faithfulness and grace to the burner of the circumstances I see. As a result, my hope and dreams were sitting there, inactive, not "cooking" as they should be.

according to google, this is a rampart!

Thankfully, last night I read Psalm 91 and the last part of verse 4stuck out to me: “…his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” I then realized, when I find myself in God – think about Him, pray, am conscious of Him throughoutthe day – the reminder of His faithfulness actually can shield me from thesituations I face. I know He is faithful to His Word, truth, and love, and as a result, He will actually carry me through difficulty and bring me peace, no matter what situation I face.

Bythe way, dictionary.com defines “rampart” as “a broad elevation or mound of earthraised as a fortification around a place and usually capped with a stone orearth parapet.”

Basically,the fact that God is faithful shields, surrounds, and protects me through every situation.

Ilove that.

Sowhen your hopes and dreams aren't "cooking" on the stove as planned and you're ready to throw up your hands and give up, don’t get flustered and upset. Step back and remind yourself of whatis right before you: God is faithful. When you place yourself in His care, He will bring you through the situation in a way that only He can.

today's top 5 (11/24) Thanksgiving edition!

2011-11-25T08:47:00.000-08:00

Today's top 5... okay, top 6

1. Thanksgiving meals. I love the blend of Thanksgiving dinner on my fork. If I can cram a little turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberries, stuffing, and maybe even green beans onto my fork all at once (or any combination of the above), I'm a happy girl.

2. Thanksgiving while being pregnant. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family on Sunday, so we've already enjoyed one Thanksgiving meal, and for the first time probably ever, I wasn't completely stuffed after eating a full plate of Thanksgiving food! I was shocked, but grateful for pregnancy. Especially when I asked for a small slice of all three of Grandma's homemade pies - pecan, pumpkin, and mincemeat. The blend of pies all together mixed with the fact that I wasn't overly stuffed from dinner made for an incredible cuisine moment. Ahhhhhh yum!
3. God. This is the ultimate top of my thankful list, but I am truly grateful for God. He oversees my life, directs it, loves me through it, and has an ultimate plan for me and my family that is good.
4. Family and friends. I am so grateful for every person and family who has reached out and helped us during this time of waiting for our baby. Thank you for helping us be cautious and keep baby safe during this pregnancy. I am grateful for the dinners, gifts, phone calls, cleaning help, dog help, errand help, and encouraging emails. We couldn't do this without your support; I wish I could do more than say thank you, but I don't know what it would be... so thank you!!
5. Blankets. I love a cozy blanket. I am surrounded by them on my sofa. Something about cuddling with a cozy blanket is amazing!
6. Family, part 2. Erik and I are blessed with wonderful immediate and extended families. From parents to grandparents to siblings and nieces to aunts, uncles, and cousins, we have an amazing family and I am blessed by each one of them.

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Happy birthday, Brody!

2011-11-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday, Brody! I hope Uncle Brian and Grandma Doris are throwing you a big party up in heaven! Okay, they might not be because you've probably just blinked and another year has passed on earth... oh the things about heaven and God's timing that we thoroughly don't understand here on earth!

What a year it's been, little boy of mine.

Since the time you met us and then met Jesus, I've been on bedrest for, well, pretty much half the year it seems! First, I rested because of you, but within about six months, I got to go on bedrest so your little brother, Brayden, wouldn't get to heaven as fast as you did. Hope you don't mind! ;-) (again, you'll probably blink in heaven's time and our whole family will be up there celebrating with you and Jesus!)

We miss you a lot. In fact, since Brayden is still in my tummy, we think about you and sometimes mix you and Brayden up. Yeah, we named Brayden after you and knew that we'd mix the names up, and we're doing a good job of it. But that's okay. Even though it is sad, I love remembering you. You're my precious firstborn.

We're about two months or less from meeting Brayden. I'm excited to see what he looks like. I do wonder if he looks anything like you! And I wonder how you look like us! If I get to heaven and you're a grown man like some people say happens in heaven, I want to see baby pictures. :-) Not sure if that's possible, but then again, with God, aren't all things possible?

Brody, you have a beautiful place down here where we can remember you. You actually share a grave and tombstone with your great great aunt - my Grandpa's mom miscarried a baby girl before he was born. You're right next to Uncle Brian and actually your tombstone looks a lot like Uncle Brian's. That's very special. You know all these people already because you're with them, but I just wanted to tell you that we visit you there when we can. (I really wish we could visit you today, but there's snow on the ground, and it will be slippery and a little hard to find you. I don't want to fall and hurt myself or Brayden at all!) As Brayden gets bigger, we'll bring him to visit you too, and maybe even release balloons to you - something special as our little way of connecting with you. I'm pretty sure that the balloons don't actually reach heaven, but you never know. :-) I can dream.

Brody, you've impacted your daddy's and my life in a really special way. You'll always have a treasured place in our hearts. Because of you, we now have influence in people's lives who we would never have met if we hadn't met you. Crazy. I'm so glad you're well taken care of in heaven, although I wish you could be down here instead hugging me, your daddy, Tucker, and little Brayden.

Oh and yesterday, Daddy and I were blessed with toys and blankets and clothes and all sorts of wonderful things for Brayden at our first baby shower. It made me think of you and miss you a lot.

I'll end with a quote from a friend whose baby went to heaven a few years before mine: "Most people only dream of angels. We've held one."

We love you, Brody. Happy 1st birthday. See you soon.

today's top 5 (11/18)

2011-11-18T13:37:00.001-08:00

Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, it's a good day to do another top 5 things I'm thankful for today.

1. Chocolate sauce. I love me some ice cream, caramel, and chocolate sauce! YUM!
2. Hunting. My hubby gets to go outside and do what he loves, then he brings back meat that we eat right away or store in our freezer. I especially love when he gets a deer because he processes the meat himself so we get steaks, roasts, homemade bratwurst... all sorts of goodies that last throughout the year. I honestly can say after a few years of having my freezer well-stocked thanks to hunting I can't imagine living without venison in the freezer!
3. My leather sofa. It's been my pal for a good part of the last year! It's a recliner sofa and I've been grateful over and over that it's easy to clean and super comfortable. It has already been broken in plenty for Brayden!
4. Ice cream. Okay this goes along with #1, but there's something super wonderful about just a little bit of ice cream to brighten your day!
5. Optimism. Hopefulness and cheeriness and faith makes my world and hopefully the world a better place. :-)

Have a wonderful weekend!

today's top 5 (11/16)

2011-11-16T06:42:00.001-08:00

Happy Wednesday! It's been a while since I've written what I'm thankful for today, so here we go. (By the way, I already have my main top five things I'm thankful for written here! These are just little or big things I'm thankful for today. Helps keep me grateful!)

1. Heat. Winter weather where I live is cold. Period. I'm very grateful for heat in my house!

2. Thanksgiving. I love the cozy feeling I get when eating a good Thanksgiving meal for lunch and leftovers for dinner while surrounded by my family.

3. Maternity clothes. They make life a little easier when your belly keeps expanding.

4. Family and friends. I know this is a main top five for me, but I do have to say, I am SO thankful for everything my family and friends have done to help me and Erik while I'm off my feet waiting for baby to come. Words really can't express my gratitude enough. Thank you.

5. Pillows. Where would we be without comfortable pillows? We sleep on them, nap on them, I have my head on one or two pretty much all day long on the sofa... they're wonderful!

Oh and today I'm expanding it...

6. I'm 30 weeks and 2 days pregnant today. According to doctor's measurements, Brayden might even be a little ahead of that growth-wise, which is nice to know. I'm feeling much more confident that we'll have a healthy baby boy in January!

7. Brody. One year ago, we were in the hospital praying he would stick around in my tummy for just a little while longer. I'm sad he didn't, but he was a fighter to the end and impacted our lives forever. His birthday is Sunday, and I have a special birthday post I'm excited to share with you then.

Hugs and love~

a lesson of beauty from my plant

2011-11-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

So I recently came across a beautiful allegory thanks to one of the flower arrangements I received after Brody went to heaven. Here is the pic of the plant last fall.

This has quickly become a favorite of mine. I love the leaves and the occasional pink flowers - they are always a pleasant surprise to see when they come.

I don't consider myself to have a green thumb. Erik handles the plant department way better than I do. We have watered this plant when we remembered (and probably forgot about it quite often, but thankfully it's a cactus) and it has kept on going.

We don't have a lot of sunlight in our current home, so all of our plants are battling for whatever sun they can get. This plant stayed about this size for most of the past year until I moved it to a window sill with some other plants, and that's when the plant really started to flourish.

Here's a picture of it now:

I love how the plant keeps growing and growing. The cactus leaves keep growing longer, and the flowers are back in bloom. Something that started so small and beautiful has grown into something bigger and even more beautiful.

I think it was that extra dose of attention from the sun that really pushed this plant to blossom. It held on to life until then, but when we finally put it in better circumstances, it thrived.

It makes me think that things that are beautiful now can become even more beautiful when placed under the direct care, supervision, and influence of our Lord. The more time we spend in God's presence, the more we give ourselves a chance to grow and become even more beautiful to others around us.

if you only reach one

2011-11-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

As a writer, I can quickly get caught up in how large my audience is... I mean, wouldn't it be great to be the next best-selling author who sells millions upon millions of books to people around the world? Or wouldn't it be great to become the next best-read blog, read by hundreds or thousands every day?

But then I remember something a writer told me a few years ago at my first writer's conference. If you only reach one, your message and your writing is worth it.

The writer went on to say that he heard back from one girl who read one of his blog postings and as a result decided not to commit suicide. He knew then his blog post was worth it - even if no one else read it except that girl.

That has stuck with me immensely. Right now, I have been published, but I'm not a best-selling author, and I blog, but my blog isn't read by hundreds every day. That doesn't matter though. If my writing impacts one life, it's worth it.

Everyone seems to have stars in their eyes about being a big author or movie star or singer or fashion designer or whatever. What they don't realize is that every person - the well-known to the not-well-known - has a purpose and a place on this earth.

For example, people are needed to write articles for USA Today, but they are also needed for the local city newspaper and the school's monthly newsletter. Every writer is necessary. In the same way, business people are needed at the top as CEOs and business people are needed in the middle of the company. The CEO influences a lot more people than the employee a few rungs down from him, but the direct impact that employee has on his or her coworkers is much more profound than the CEO's could ever be.

So as I'm continually remembering, be content with who you are and your current circle of influence. Your impact on the people around you is invaluable and can be replaced by no one.

be bold to use your talents

2011-11-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

I've often quoted 2 Timothy 1:7 when dealing with fear, but today I actually took time to consider the context of the verse.

Paul is writing to Timothy and telling him that he prays for him and is excited to see him again. Then Paul writes this:

"That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith—and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you! And the special gift of ministry you received when I laid hands on you and prayed—keep that ablaze! God doesn't want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible. So don't be embarrassed to speak up for our Master or for me, his prisoner." (verses 5-8, Message)

I re-read the verse in a different version.

"Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment." (verses 6-7, Holman Christian Standard)

God has given us gifts to use on this earth - gifts of leadership, encouragement, natural abilities, etc. These gifts make us who we are and give each of us a unique impact in this world. From what Paul writes, it sounds like if we're not careful, these gifts will subside and we can walk through life without fully utilizing the gifts we've received - kinda like that Christmas gift you got last year, that you absolutely loved at the time, but you haven't touched since.

Paul encourages Timothy to remember all that God has given him and use it for God's kingdom.

Now the reason I think it's cool that these two verses connect is because God's gifts to you are so extravagant that we can be afraid to use them. We need to remember the gift of God inside of us... but not be afraid to use it. Instead, we are to be "bold, loving, and sensible."

Bold: the gifts God gave you may be intimidating for you to think about, but you have every right to trust God and utilize them to their full extent.

Loving: don't be prideful about these gifts. The reason you have them is to impact the people around you for God's glory.

Sensible: be wise in your use of them. As the phrase goes, "don't throw pearls before swine." Situations will arise where it will be appropriate or not appropriate to use your gifts.

Say you have the gift of teaching or explaining things. You really understand the Bible, and God has plans for you to teach people about God's kingdom. You will need to be bold to accept that teaching position at your church's Bible study, but you'll also need to be wise on how to let your teaching gift be used when someone is telling you about a difficult time in their life, especially if that person is an unbeliever. They may only be able to handle a small portion of everything you could teach them.

So when God gives us the opportunity to use our gifts and talents, we don't have reason to be afraid. God has given us grace to be bold, loving, and sensible with the use of our gifts and talents. We simply need to seize the opportunities and allow God to work through us to reach others.

me, my future, and God

2011-10-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

Over the past week, I've been enthralled with Matthew 6:30-34 in the Message Bible.

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you
to relax, to not be so preoccupied with gettingso you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

My parents got me a Nook for my birthday (what a huge blessing that has been while on bedrest!) and my Message Bible has stayed on these verses every time I open it on my Nook. Different words and phrases keep sticking out to me, all having to do with how much God truly cares about me.

Today the phrase "God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the times comes."

I'll always remember a message I heard Dennis Burke preach on Psalm 91. I walked away realizing there are a few different types of deliverance:

1. God takes us completely up and over adversity where we don't experience it and sometimes don't even realize what we've missed.

2. God delivers us miraculously out of the middle of adversity.

3. God walks us through adversity.

The last one makes me think of a phrase the Lord gave me a while ago: the miracle of perseverance. Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't have to be afraid because God is with us (Psalm 23). The miracle is in us persevering and recognizing that God is by our side and taking care of every concern and worry.

Adversity in any form stinks, but we don't need to worry. God will help us deal with whatever we face when we face it. Don't create your own adversity by worrying about something that doesn't yet exist. Let God take care of you right now and prepare you--without you even knowing it--for your future. He'll take care of both you and your future if you just let Him.

what the devil really wants

2011-10-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

One thing I've learned firsthand--and secondhand as I've watched other people--is that the devil is out to get our faith. If he can change our beliefs or get us to back off what we believe, he's won.

Adversity is how he does it. Difficult times. Unexplained things. Things that make you question the reality of who God is. When these things happen, we as humans seem to have the innate reaction to question or blame God because He's all-knowing, all-powerful, and ultimately, shouldn't He be able to stop those things?

Well, this is where it gets confusing for us as humans. Yes, I believe God can ultimately do what He wants, but for some reason, He has created the world a certain way. He created a beautiful world, gave it to Adam to manage, and Adam messed up. He ultimately handed over legal authority of this world to our enemy (and God's enemy) Satan. Satan has the legal right to do bad things on this earth, hence the corruption. God has access to the world through believers and through prayer, and through His Spirit, as He sees fit, but ultimately, we live in a corrupted world.

This is where the test of faith comes in.

When people decide to believe in God and become a Christian, Satan immediately wants to steal that Word from them. It's like the parable of the sower in Mark chapter 4. Seed was sown by the side of the road, but birds snatched it up. It's kinda like ideas about God are sown in someone's heart, but the enemy will snatch them up if at all possible. We are in a battle to keep our faith in an unseen God who is greater and mightier than anything else on earth--but works in mysterious ways and has ways that are much, much different than what we imagine them to be.

James chapter 1 tells us that our faith is what is being tried in all this adversity we face, and I think we see this same importance of faith over and over again throughout the Word.

Why does the enemy want our faith? I think the answer is in 1 John 5:4-5.

"For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth [or has faith] that Jesus is the Son of God?"

The ones who have faith ultimately win.

I believe our faith will pay off in multiple ways between now and the end of the world when God comes to make things right, but there will be times when faith is hard to hold because of what we see. That's when we need to remember to keep faith. The Bible is right, God is good, and He is faithful. No matter what we see, His promises are true, available to you today, and He ultimately wins in the end. I'm glad I'm on His side.

prayer

2011-10-24T06:25:00.000-07:00

...And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?

Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.

The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:

   Our Father in heaven,
   Reveal who you are.
   Set the world right;
   Do what's best— as above, so below.
   Keep us alive with three square meals.
   Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
   Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
   You're in charge!
   You can do anything you want!
   You're ablaze in beauty!
      Yes. Yes. Yes.

(Matthew 6:5-13, Message Bible)

P.S. 27 weeks today!!! January 23rd is coming closer and closer!!

God shows up despite ourselves

2011-10-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

You know what fascinates me is the fact that God can take our humanity and show His divinity right in the middle of it.

Sometimes I think He shows Himself when we are still hurting... His getting glory doesn't always happen when our lives look amazing to everyone else. Sometimes He gets glory when we fall down, but don't stay down. Of course, He doesn't get glory in the fact that you fell or in what caused you to fall, but He does get glory when you decide to get back up and keep moving with Him.

I don't think we always have to be "spiritual" when God can use us. We don't need to have just been in His glory for 3 hours before He can been seen in our lives--and that amazes me. When our desire is to follow Him in our lives, He takes our daily living and somehow makes it His own. For example, someone could post a Scripture on facebook or some quote they heard, just because they thought it was cool, and later find out it's exactly what someone else needed to make their day. That's just one example of God using us in the middle of our humanity.

Because we are such fragile vessels, God gets more glory when we surrender to Him because He then gets the glory when we are weak, but people somehow see us as strong. Even if no one else knows it, we know that we can't be who we are without Him.

how to help a grieving friend

2011-10-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

A church acquaintance of mine just experienced a horrible tragedy this past weekend. I don't know the family well, but I know people who do who are aching for ways to help this family.

I haven't been through a sudden tragedy like this, but I have extended family who has been, and I've lost a brother and a newborn son to death way too early, so I thought I'd share some thoughts of how you can help a grieving friend.

1. Remember. Mark your calendar now and send the grieving family a card, note, email, facebook message on the anniversary of when their loved one passed away. Just last week was the 2-year anniversary of my brother's passing, and every thought, note, and bit of love that people sent my way and to my parents helped us walk through that day and be honored and blessed that people would remember him.

2. Remember, part 2. Immediately following any death, the family is thrown in a whirlwind of people sending condolences, asking if they can help, making funeral preparations (imagine wedding preparations thrown into five days or so!), talking to family members -- not to mention processing their grief. It's after the funeral where the fact that "life goes on" hits and you have to try to cope with the reality that your loved one isn't there -- this is when family and friends are needed, just as much, if not more than before. Send a bouquet of flowers a few weeks after the funeral just to say you care and are thinking of them. (I remember cherishing the flowers sent after I lost my baby boy. They made me smile because someone remembered.) Write them a note or facebook message any time you pray for them - even 3-6 months from now - and just let them know you care.

3. Pray. So many times when I was grieving, I relied on the fact that people were praying me through this. I couldn't always form prayers because my world had been rocked so hard, so knowing that people were praying for me was such a relief and an encouragement.

4. Bring meals. This is probably most important in the first few weeks and a few weeks after the funeral. If you're a good friend, perhaps you could make them a schedule using something like foodtidings.com. Or you could ask a friend if something has already been set up. It's such a relief not having to worry about dinner when you are trying to process your loss. Even a few weeks after the funeral, you could drop off a dinner or if the grieving family is interested, you could visit for a short while. Anything to help relieve the stress is helpful. Here is a good blog post on Tips for Bringing Meals to a Grieving Friend.

5. Let them grieve. The sadness and tears will come in unexpected ways over the next few weeks, months, and years. Sudden tragedies can especially take a while to heal from because they are unexpected. If the grieving family isn't acting like themselves or is a little snappy or down about life, keep an eye on them so they don't get stuck in depression, but also, give them a lot of grace. They don't even know all that they are processing. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I still am processing the grief of losing the people I've lost in my life.

6. Don't try to have answers. This blog states it well. Please read it - because people, especially Christians, often try to make it better by saying "God's in control" or "it'll be all right" or some other cliche. Those answers do not help. Often they just drag up a ton more questions in the grieving person. It's okay to not know what to say and just be quiet or to be honest and say, "I wish I had the right words, but I don't." Give hugs. Write notes to say you are praying for them and thinking of them. It's okay to not have the answers - we're human, and the best we can do is be there, help where needed, and listen.

There are a lot of other things you can do help a grieving friend, but hopefully this gives you a good start. It's some of what really helped me in what I have been going through. Ask God for His help and wisdom in how you can bless, encourage, and most importantly, support your friend, and He will.

John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

forgive and forget

2011-10-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness recently, partially because Pastor Mac has talked about it in his recent messages (great messages, too!) and partially because I've recognized some areas where I need to forgive.

One of the things forgiveness means that I think we often ignore or don't realize is that when you forgive, you should forget. Pastor Mac often follows that statement with statements like this: "When I say 'forget,' I don't mean that you get Holy Ghost amnesia. When you forget, it actually means that you 'put out of mind.'"

So I've contemplated that and realized that when I am offended or hurt by someone else, my tendency is to overthink why I've been hurt. I'll say, "I forgive them" and really do mean it. But then I think about it a lot. And I always have a good reason to try to decipher what I'm going through and why I feel the way I feel and it will always make sense why I need to replay in my head everything that I need to forgive that person for. The Lord doesn't want me to keep replaying their mistakes. He wants me to forgive them, and then move on.

This morning, I looked up the word "forgive" on blueletterbible.com and it gives the idea that when you forgive, you walk away from it and leave it behind you. That means not going back to it because you have to try to figure out exactly everything that offended you. Not overthinking it because it's part of your "personality" and you need to make sure that you don't miss anything. (guilty as charged!) None of that will help you forgive. It will just make you frustrated all over again.

What we really need to do when we forgive someone is forget it. Put it out of mind... over and over and over. Day in, day out.

To clarify, I'm not talking about an abusive situation where someone is taking advantage of you physically or emotionally. I'm talking about those instances that happen altogether too often among church members, family, and friends where you get offended because they don't celebrate Labor Day like you do or they looked at you the wrong way or they did something else that frustrated you. Those types of things are things that we should leave behind us.

Lord, I've messed up time and again by reasoning my way into not forgetting the things people have done for me. Please help me truly forgive and walk away from whatever frustrations come from other people in my life. In Jesus' name, Amen.

quick update!

2011-10-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

I've started blog drafts and thought about writing many times over the past weeks/days, but obviously, I've been quiet on here for a while.

Just thought I'd check in and let you know that everything is going aok. :-) Baby is healthy and I'm still on bedrest so baby can stay healthy in me and not come early. Erik, my family, and friends have all been amazing as they help take care of me when I'm off my feet.

Slowly but surely I'm pulling together baby registry stuff and realizing how much stuff you need to take care of a kiddo! Yikes!

Yesterday, we celebrated my brother Brian's two year anniversary in heaven. Amazing how time flies. Erik and I visited Brody and Brian at the cemetery, and it was peaceful and beautiful. A nice bittersweet moment... we actually both thought the same thing at the same time while there: "It's still kinda surreal." And that it is. Hard to imagine that Brian went through what he went through and he's not here anymore, and that we and Brody went through what we went through. Definitely wish it could be different, but since it isn't, we do our best to keep moving on.

I'm SO grateful that I know I'll see them again in heaven. I can't imagine dealing with grief without that hope of eternity and seeing them again. (If you don't have hope of eternity, visit www.needhim.com.)

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog. I'm amazed by all the page views and hope that somehow my ramblings and life stories encourage you in your own journey.

Hugs.

Laura

feathers from heaven

2011-09-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

So I just finished reading a good Christian fiction book. In it, the heroine finds these white feathers that show up on her desk, the floor, and a few other places when she's had a moment with God. The author uses those feathers as a symbol for the heroine to know that heaven is with her.

Now, it's definitely a fiction ploy to use the feathers throughout the book. It ties the book together nicely, plus the picture of feathers ties in to another crucial part of the story. People certainly don't get feathers sent from heaven on a regularly basis, but I do think the feathers are a great representation of the fact that God gives us natural signs of His presence all the time in unique ways. We each have "feathers" sent from heaven. The question is, are you sensitive enough to see them?

A great example happened to me a few weeks ago. I woke up in the morning and thought to myself, "Goodness, I deserve a lunch out. I think I'll go to Panera and eat some of my favorite soup." So I did. I got to the register, ordered my soup, pulled out my Panera rewards card and my credit card to pay. The cashier swiped my rewards card and said, "Oh, you have a free soup on here." I said, "Really? That's great!" I stuck my credit card back in my wallet, and went to enjoy my free lunch.

I'm sure some will read that and think, "Oh, that was just a coincidence." Yeah, I guess you could think that, but for me, it was a feather from heaven--a blessing direct from the Lord just to say He loves me and is watching over me.

This morning I found a story about people who didn't recognize God's blessing from heaven. In Matthew 8:28-34, Jesus goes to this region and heals two men who were possessed by demons.

²⁸ When he arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. ²⁹ “What do you want with us, Son of God?” they shouted. “Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?” ³⁰ Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. ³¹ The demons begged Jesus, “If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”
³² He said to them, “Go!” So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. ³³ Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. ³⁴ Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.

What fascinates me about this story is that the people went to meet Jesus and instead of bringing the sick and lame and asking for healing just as He healed the two crazy men, they asked Jesus to leave the region. They didn't appreciate the way Jesus acted, so they despised and ignored the gift in their midst. A mini-revival could have taken place because of the healings that Jesus had just done, but because of their attitude, it couldn't happen.

The Pharisees are another example of people who shunned Jesus. They couldn't see the gift of God in their midst, and as a result, they were stuck with their lives as they were and couldn't experience the freedom and potential healing that Jesus could have brought into their lives.

All this to say, I think God is showing up in our lives time and again. He brings us people who encourage us, sales to help our finances, doctors who help us, smiles from friends, cookies when we need them (heh heh... I do think that's true!). He's constantly moving on our behalf. The question is, are we noticing His touch in our lives or just chalking it up to coincidence?

So yeah, that's my thought for today. :-)

My two sons... Brody and Brayden

2011-09-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

This past Wednesday was the day I've been waiting for! My pregnancy has officially gone longer than when my water broke last time. Thank you, Lord! Secondly, we had our 20-week ultrasound and saw baby and everything is looking very healthy for him and for me! Yep, it's a boy! :-)

It's true, both Erik and I wanted another boy. Erik is a big brother with a younger sister and I have a big brother and am the younger sister. We both love our family situations, and really wanted to start out the same way. So Brody Mark Wegener, our firstborn, officially has a little brother named Brayden Allen Wegener. Yippee!

I'm a little behind on posting baby bump pics so here are a couple. This was the beginning of the bump, week 13.

The second is me at 19 weeks. I'm almost 21 weeks, so I'll try to get another pic up soon. I'm starting to be amazed at what will happen to my tummy over the next four months... can it really get that big? Obviously, I've seen it happen over and over to others, but to have your tummy stretch this way is completely different!

Brayden is a mover and shaker - flipping and turning and being active in there. That makes it extra fun. Erik got to feel him move a few weeks ago, so that was a huge blessing for both of us!

I definitely still have some mental battles to deal with when these random pregnancy aches come and go... I'm learning to trust my God-given motherly intuition, which I'm sure includes His direct leading as well, about what I feel so I don't fear what I'm going through, but I also am not foolish if something should be a concern. I trust God that everything will go smoothly from now until weeks 36-40, which is when baby can officially come. Yay!

Oh and at my family birthday party (which included birthday celebrations for me, Erik, my cousin, and my aunt!) Erik and I really wanted my aunt to taste our white amaretto cake and frosting that we did for his grandma's birthday so we decided to make our own birthday cake! Since we had four birthday people, we went a different route for decorations, thanks to an idea from Food Network magazine.

Here's our "hamburger" cake!

The "tomatoes," "lettuce," and "onion rings" are spice drops that I rolled out and reformed. The cheese is fondant. The sesame seeds are rice puffy cereal. The bun and burger are cake and the burger has chopped up chocolate and small chocolate chips around it for color.

:-) It was a huge hit.

By the way, today I remember along with our country 9/11/01. God, please surround our country. Wrap your arms around every family directly affected by that horrific day and protect our country continually. In Jesus' name, Amen.

right now... time=molasses

2011-09-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how crazy slow this time of waiting is going. Yes, parts of it are going quickly; I know I'll already be 20 weeks along on Monday, but especially over the past three weeks or so, the days seem to drip by like the molasses I pour into my dad's favorite gingerless ginger cookies. I'm counting the moments until Wednesday: our ultrasound and the day I'll officially be farther in my pregnancy than last time.

I'm not sure if you've ever experienced something like that, but I thought I'd write about it in case you did. The only other time I can think that time went this slow was in my sophomore year of high school. For some reason, that year poked along like none other--and I still remember how slow it went to this day!

The good news is that time does and will keep going. And in the future, I guarantee I'll be thinking, wow, can you believe time has flown this fast?

That's all. Just wanted to say that.

Oh and I'm super excited to write my post on Wednesday or Thursday and let you know!!

I'm entering my thirties...

2011-08-31T13:52:00.000-07:00

Yep. It's true. I've entered my thirties. I told my dad I feel like an official adult now. :-)

I think I have the whole birthday thing easy because my hubby and BFF and a lot of other friends of mine all turned 30 before me, so by the time my birthday comes, I'm already used to being thirty! (Although, yes, I do mention my young age to them throughout the month/year of them being officially older than me!)

I'm also 19 weeks along today. It was a little strange this morning to realize that my mom was pregnant 30 years ago today about to deliver me and now I'm 19 weeks along and will deliver a beautiful baby boy/girl in January! Crazy! :-) Seasons of life, huh?

Everything seems to be going well for my pregnancy. The doc said it would be very obvious if anything dangerous or bad happened post-surgery that would cause things to go awry. That's helped me mentally, because everything has seemed normal. I haven't been without my mental battles as I approach the time Brody was delivered last time, but I do remember that if I have a certain instinct of what I'm feeling, I'm probably right. God created ladies to have babies and He gives them that "motherly instinct" of what is going on in their bodies. I have to trust that instinct.

Next week we get a sneak peek at baby B (Brielle or Brayden) during our 20-week ultrasound. I am so looking forward to that day! We'll find out if we're having Brielle or Brayden and then I'll officially be past the timing of when my water broke with Brody. Yay! That will be a huge relief for me.

By the way, Erik and I didn't intentionally want to have a tongue twister family... Brody, Brielle, Brayden... those are the kids' names we like right now. As my family gets used to the names, they are already getting them a little jumbled, as I'm sure Erik and I will. But there was a reason for each of those names and we love them all!! When Erik and I first heard Brielle a few years ago, we loved it and immediately wanted to name our daughter that (even though we weren't close to being pregnant yet!). Then Brody was named in honor of Brian, and then Brayden is named in honor of Brody. We love all the names, plus it's a nice theme that I think reflects my brother and son nicely. Yay!

Anyhoo, off I go to see if I can get some work done outside. Thank you for all the birthday well-wishes and prayers for my family. I appreciate it! :-)

today's top 5 (8/17)

2011-08-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

Morning! I haven't done a top five in a while. In case you don't know what that is... my cousin was telling me one day that every night she goes to bed and comes up with five things she's thankful for that day. Here's today's top 5.

1. Neighbors. I love my neighbors! I'm super blessed to have friends on both sides of our home to hang out with who will also help if we need anything (and we'll help if we can when they need something!). Love them!

2. Erik. I love how friendly Erik is with people. Very outgoing and used to talking to people he doesn't know and making friends with them. I like that I can follow his lead.

3. Toilet paper. Heh heh... last night I cut my finger by trying to catch a falling roll of saran wrap. The sharp edge cut pretty deep. No paper towels were handy to blot it up, but toilet paper did the trick. :-)

4. Friends. Good friends enrich the life so much. Each one of mine bring a different flavor to my life, and I'm grateful.

5. Family. My extended family and my family's friends have been amazing and supportive with the passing of my grandma. On behalf of my immediate family, we're grateful for your support. It's never easy losing a loved one; you help comfort us, so thank you.

All for now! Have a happy Wednesday! :-)

a good pick-me-up

2011-08-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

So if you ever need a good pick-me-up, look at Psalm 121.

¹I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
²My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

Heh heh... those are just the first two verses! It dawned on me how crazy the second verse is. My help comes from God, the creator of the universe. That's like saying, "I'm protected by the Secret Service" or "My help comes from the President, the leader of the nation that I live in." Those don't even give it justice, but do you realize how everyone would knew that I was well taken care of if I said, "Bill Gates is helping me get through college" or "The chief of police is specifically watching over my house to make sure nothing happens to my stuff while we are on vacation"???

That's what this verse says, but to the nth degree beyond that. My help comes from the Lord. Oh by the way, He made heaven and earth. It's important to remember that David was writing this potentially in the middle of the difficult times and what was he doing with this verse? He was reminding himself of exactly who was watching over him. As it says in one of his stories earlier in the Bible, David encouraged himself in the Lord.

What an encouragement to remember how big our God is in relation to the world we live in!

Again, in today's terms, it would be like: "My dad is the President of the United States." "Bill Gates is my best friend." "My best friend is Randy Jackson, and he's going to get me on American Idol." :-)

And, no, none of the things I mentioned are true, but what I know is true is that my help comes from the Lord, and oh yeah, He made the heavens and the earth.

It's all good. :-)

Sneakier than Santa Claus!

2011-08-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

This morning I was thinking of John 16:33 which says, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

In this particular passage, Jesus is talking to his disciples. He doesn't say, "You will have troubles, and then they'll all go away because you're my kid." He said, "You'll have troubles... BUT know that in the grand scheme of things, I have overcome the world."

I've been pondering that in context with what I know throughout the rest of the Bible - that He will bring you through adversity - and I think He's again alluding to the fact we see in James 1 - that we really can be joyful during troubles because He is ultimately in control and will bring us through it, not only to victory, but also with a better outlook on life and Him.

The Message Bible reads those verses this way: "I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

So yes, trouble will come, but we never have to be concerned that God has left us alone or has forgotten about us. He isn't even up in heaven saying, "Oh no, they're in a pretty rough situation! What should I do?" He knows exactly what is going on and what spiritual and natural laws are in place and He is working continually to align our lives with His perfect will and plan.

His behind-the-scenes working is even sneakier than Santa's because people don't realize it's happening. :-) Everyone knows that Santa comes on Christmas Eve with presents, although for children if it is done "right" they have no idea who/what/when/where/why it happened. God's ways are even more hidden because he's working in us continually to fulfill His plan, but it doesn't usually look like He is or by the time His help has been manifested, many people don't recognize it's Him!

Lord, help me to trust in You as you work behind the scenes to align my life with your plan. Remind me over and over that you have overcome the world - like people who pass levels on video games and then are able to share all their winning secrets with others. Help me to recognize your hand at work and be continually grateful for both what I see you doing and what I don't see.

Thanks for guiding my life. In Jesus' name, Amen.

16 weeks and counting

2011-08-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

Hi there! I am 16 weeks today, praise God! :-)

I just went on a message board for preggo moms and it is amazing how many other moms and families have lost babies like Erik and I did, with potentially the same reason. Crazy! I guess until something affects you, you really don't hear about it happening to other people (unless it makes national news)!

Overall, my light activity mode is going pretty well. It's still difficult to have restrictions and not be able to just up and go anywhere without thinking of the repercussions or how much other activity I've had recently, but as my mom-in-law told me, I'm taking care of the most important job by laying on the couch - taking care of baby. Fun fun... !

The next few days will have a little more activity than normal because my wonderful Grandma Doris passed away. One of my most favorite people on earth! She was 89 and lived a good life; her health wasn't the best recently, so I'm glad that she's safe in heaven taking care of my family up there. It still stinks that I won't be able to see her beautiful face and smile until heaven. Tomorrow is the wake and Wednesday is the funeral. It stinks having so many family funerals within such a short period of time! But it makes me grateful that I don't have a story where I lose multiple family members at once!! I know things could be much worse!!!

Things are starting to pick up mentally for me because I'm finally looking a little preggo and I have 5 weeks left until I'm in the uncharted waters of pregnancy for me. So time has been ticking slowly but surely. Overall, I don't feel too nervous about the 20th/21st week (when Brody passed); my doc has been amazing in reassuring me that she's confident I'll have a healthy baby in January. I have a check-up later this week, which I'm looking forward to hearing that everything is good. Week 23 is when baby is officially "viable" (if anything happens, the baby could go to the neonatal care unit). Brody was 2 weeks short of being able to have that happen. :( So that will be another point that I'll be glad to check off the list. And, no, I'm not planning on anything bad happening or needing the baby to go in the neonatal unit! They are just timelines I can check off mentally -- as opposed to counting the hundreds of days until January!!!

So overall, I'm doing pretty well. I feel like my body is doing aok; no major concerns regarding the pregnancy. Again, it will be nice to go to the doc and get her official confirmation the past three weeks have gone the way I thought they have!

I've started to actually picture having a baby. Yay!

my grandma

2011-08-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

My wonderful Grandma Doris has met my little boy, Brody.

She passed away on August 3, 2011. She lived a long, wonderful life. Her loves were God, her husband, family, friends, and flowers. Her smile lit up the room and made her friends with everyone. She will be missed dearly by her beloved husband Carl; her children Craig and Martha (Mark); granddaughter Laura (Erik); and great-grandchildren Chloe, Angelica, and Julia (Cristina). She was preceded in death by her grandson Brian and great-grandson Brody.

Although she will be missed, I'm so glad that she's in a better place.

the danger of fame

2011-08-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

So just the other day I was wondering about so-and-so who appeared on reality TV as such a legitimately nice person but after a few years of being in the spotlight turned out to be a snob.

I found the answer today in the Message version of Proverbs 27:21.

"The purity of silver and gold is tested
by putting them in the fire;
The purity of human hearts is tested
by giving them a little fame."

Ahhh, that dangerous little mongrel called fame.

winter's reason

2011-08-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

Patience stinks.

:-)

Why do we have to be patient? Couldn't we always get what we want when we want it? Like the weather. Does it have to rain when we want to be outside? Couldn't it always be 76.5 degrees with beautiful sun and a small breeze? Do we really need to have winter? The ice storms and blizzards could just go away....

Recently, Erik has been singing a line from a country song he likes: "...winter has a reason; otherwise, there'd be no spring." That has made me smile every time I hear it because it reminds me that the "winter" of life that Erik and I have been through has to come to an end (I believe in January or earlier!), and the winter really is what makes way for spring to happen! I love the beauty of spring and the renewal in the air. That wouldn't happen without winter.

Speaking of seasons, it's August 1. Doesn't summer always go by so fast? I know that this year I'm okay with it going faster since I'm in a waiting period, but I know once August hits, the rest of the year flies by with back-to-school, football season, Halloween (I don't celebrate, but I see stores' decor), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. When I look at it that way, January will be here before I know it!

Romans 5:3-5

"...and not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

bedrest boredom

2011-07-30T17:59:00.000-07:00

A little over two weeks of bedrest/"limited activity" and the days have ticked by so slowly. Argh! I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible... from the sofa. I enjoyed a morning off thinking about not much this morning, but by midafternoon, my brain--which has to be accomplishing something as much of the time as possible--almost had a meltdown.

So I put in the movie Julie & Julia. For a writer like myself, I can relate to both Julia's adventure of writing a book (although hers was a cookbook) and Julie's adventure of blogging. Plus, I love their love of cooking and it made me just a little sad that I can't just bustle around the kitchen right now making these fabulous recipes.

It did inspire to make an omelet for dinner. My omelets, I must admit, have been less than stellar in the past. Slowly, but surely, Food Network and Erik and my interest in cooking has caused me to keep trying and improving omelets. Today's actually turned out decent, although I still haven't figured out how they keep the eggs looking so flat and nice in the pan while cooking it.

I've also improved at making eggs over easy... they used to become scrambled eggs, more or less, but my last three for Erik were practically perfect.

I know... way boring information, but hey! I gotta do something to amuse myself waiting for baby! :-) You just happen to be a recipient of my thoughts while I do so.

Oh and I guess the biggest "news" of all is I decided to give myself an extra reason to stay off my feet... I bruised my toe. Okay, the reasoning isn't true, but the bruised toe is. I'm what some may call clumsy when it comes to keeping my toes out of the ways of doors and bed frames, and yesterday, I got out of bed and slammed a toe into the bed. Whoops! No major harm done. Just a different colored toe.

Exciting life, huh? :-)

**I should clarify that although the title says "bedrest boredom," I am not officially on bedrest anymore, which I noted in a previous post. I'm on the "limited activity" schedule, but I'm still on the sofa resting quite a lot. Plus "bedrest boredom" is a much cooler sounding title than "limited activity boredom." :-)

handicapped

2011-07-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting a new perspective on life with my assignment of limited activity. Last night I was at church and based on how I was feeling, I decided it would be better to sit down during praise and worship so I would be off my feet, just as a precaution. That decision was mentally humbling for me because everyone else was standing around me and I was supposed to be standing. I imagined people were looking at me thinking, Why is she sitting down? What's wrong with her? Doesn't she know she's disrespecting God?

Tonight I'm going to a musical with my mom at my alma mater and we're bringing a wheelchair so I don't have to walk the distance between the car and the theater, which is a decent length. Since you can't really see a preggo belly yet, it will be humbling to be in the wheelchair because my mind will tell me people will wonder what's wrong with me.

Even just in my day-to-day tasks, I feel lazy not doing certain things, and I assume because I've had the thought I'm lazy to avoid certain activities that are precautionary for my situation, I assume others are thinking the same thing. (funny how that works!)

In reality, I have to just be humbled to accept people's help, not care about what people think, and do what's best for the baby.

Yes, some people may think I'm lazy, but they don't know the story behind why I'm doing what I do. Plus, in reality, most people are probably too concerned with their own lives to even think much about the rather healthy-looking lady sitting during praise and worship or coming in on a wheelchair!

"patiently" waiting for baby

2011-07-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

So I thoroughly have a new appreciation for military families who say goodbye to their spouse/parent/sibling, etc. for months to a full year or more so they can serve our country. I admit that I've been glib enough to tell some people I know coming up on a waiting period, "It'll be over before you know it." Yes, time flies in the grand scheme of things... but when it comes down to 24 hours passing over and over and over again to create a string of days and then weeks without someone in your life, it's extremely difficult.

Yes, the big picture is it will go fast, but I've learned now to think twice before telling someone in a waiting period (even people on bedrest like me) that it will go fast. The reality is that no matter how "long" or "short" their waiting period is, that person still has to walk through hour after hour after day after day of some integral person being out of their lives.

I remember after both Brian and Brody passed away that I wished time would just vanish in some way and that it would be magically six months after my brother/baby had passed and that time would magically healed my wounds. I could see and imagine the day that the grieving wouldn't hurt as intense, but that didn't change the fact that I was still living out the moments and days and weeks immediately following a tragic death. It wasn't easy.

The same goes for military wives, bedrest, and any other type of waiting period for someone you love (whether waiting for heaven or just a return home). Those days are long and can sometimes be slow.

I am trying to make the most of my time down. I want to enjoy my rest time - the times when I'm alone and the times when friends and family visit and help me through it. I want to enjoy my time with Erik and enjoy my time without a baby crying at night. :-) I've made up goals and activities to getting certain stuff done during this time--like cleaning out the junk in our house and keeping it clean (as best as I can on bedrest) one little bit of junk at a time and doing crossword puzzles and reading books or playing games.

In fact, Erik and I now play cribbage. It's a nice way to relax on the sofa and enjoy each other's company. It took four games of him having amazing cards and me learning how to play before I actually won a game!

So that's all for now. Slowly but surely I'm making it through each day. I know the day will soon be here when I will be posting baby pictures and updates, but until then, I'll simply process my waiting period as patiently as possible.

P.S. I know that the waiting process is the growing period as well. Just as baby is growing inside me now, I want to grow as a person and in my character during this time as well. Lord, please help me do that! Thank you! You are wonderful! :-)

P.S.S. Thank you to all the military families for what they've done for our country! Words can't properly express my gratefulness!

14 weeks!

2011-07-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

I'm 14 weeks along! Glad to be here... but it does seem like time is crawling right now. It's very difficult for me to not do stuff! I hate not being able to just do chores around the house or cook dinner without thinking about how long I've been standing/walking around. From that perspective, these months of light activity won't be my favorite time, but I will try to enjoy the relaxation as much as possible because once the baby comes, I won't get this time again!

I do remind myself that we're over halfway through July already, and I know that ultimately, six months will go by quickly. (And you'll probably "hear" myself remember that a lot!)

My recovery from the surgery has gone well. The past weekend I was able to get outside and spend time with some friends and neighbors - I sat pretty much the whole time (exciting, huh?!). It was super nice to get out. Now I'm back on the couch resting and working, letting baby grow inside without any pressure on my body.

This morning I sat outside and prayed while enjoying the sunshine. It was wonderful.

Other than that, I don't have much else to say. Hope you have a wonderful week! :-)

officially off bedrest!

2011-07-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

I'm officially done laying around today... and boy, it sounded like I had a good week to be "stuck" indoors with air conditioning! :-)

Everything has gone really well in recovery and now I'm set for these next six months of letting baby grow inside me. I'm on "light activity" mode. I can't lift and I can't walk a lot. The biggest thing is to listen to my body and if it isn't doing well, take it easy. So at this point, I don't know what my body will be able to handle over the next few months, but I'll gradually find out as Erik and I get into a routine that works with this new stage in life.

I will be able to drive, but I can't walk around a lot once I'm there, so Erik and I will probably be home a lot more often. We'll definitely have a chance to enjoy our time together before life changes once again.

Thanks to all my neighbors, friends, and family - and especially my mom! - who have helped immensely over this past week! Erik and I are grateful for your help!

Esther... married a non-Jew

2011-07-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

The morning I headed into surgery last week, I decided I would start reading the book of Esther. Then it hit me that God called Esther to marry outside of His expected laws for her. She married the king, a non-Christian, non-Jew, non-everything! If she hadn't done that, the nation of Israel wouldn't have been saved in the way that it was. Crazy!

It reminds me of a post I made last Christmas about how the Christmas story was nothing like we expected it to be. In fact, I bet we could find something in every Bible story that shows us that God's ways are definitely not our ways!

The book of Isaiah chapter 55 puts it this way:

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I don't think we'll ever get this as humans. No matter how hard we try to figure him out, He operates on a different level than us.

God does go on to reassure us using terms we are familiar with...

¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
   come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
   without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
   so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
   It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The rain and snow always accomplish what they are supposed to do. In fact, all of nature just does it thing naturally. In that same way, we can expect that God's Word will achieve its purpose here on earth.

Now I know we're humans and we are great at figuring out ways to mess up things, but God also knows that and knows how to work around that. :-)

The rest of Isaiah chapter 55 reads:

¹² You will go out in joy
   and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
   will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
   will clap their hands.
¹³ Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
   and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
   for an everlasting sign,
   that will endure forever.”

I like that. We'll go out with joy and be led forth with peace--definitely two elements I want personified in my life.

Have a good day!

Brody's getting a sibling!

2011-07-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

Yep, the rumors are true. Brody is getting a little brother or sister! The baby is due 1-23-12.

It's very odd because for the first time ever, I'm actually desperately looking forward to winter!

Just yesterday, I went in for a minor, same-day surgery that will help prevent what happened with Brody so my body can keep baby around until January. Everything went really well, and I'm on bedrest for a week recovering. I'll be on light activity after that... so if you see me even think about trying to lift something heavy, stop me! :-)

I have basic instructions from the doc, but all the details of what I can and can't do from now until January will be taken on a day-by-day and week-by-week basis, depending on my body feels. The most important thing is to take it easy and make sure baby #2 can stay inside as long as possible!!!

Thanks for all your prayers and support during this time! Now that I went through the surgery and we have a plan in place for protecting the baby, we're a lot less nervous about this time around! Thank you, Lord, for technology and a good doctor!

today's top 5 (7/6)

2011-07-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

Here are today's top 5 things I'm thankful for...

1. Sleeping boys. Erik, Tucker, and I had a wonderful weekend away with family for the 4th of July. We came back midday yesterday. Erik and Tucker both slept for 5 hours while I worked. I loved the feeling of tip-toeing around the house because I had my two sleeping boys I didn't want to disturb. So glad they got their sleep!

2. Tucker. I watch him and realize how perfect it was to have him come into our life right when He did. Erik and I married in March 2009 and I had told Erik we could get a puppy for Christmas 2009. Within a month of being married, we heard about a litter of puppies a friend of the family was giving away (aka FREE!). It kinda intimidated me to get one so soon into marriage since it was my first pet, but since Erik grew up with English springers and he wanted a lab, I figured a free lab/springer mix was a perfect combination! More than anything, I had a peace from God about it. Tuck was born early April 2009 and we picked him up at 7 weeks or so on Memorial Day weekend.

The reason the timing has been so perfect is that he's been our joy through all the difficulty we have faced since that day (plus we could train him as a puppy during the spring, not the winter!). I can't imagine going through any of the difficulties we've been through without our floppy eared dog by our side, always coming to comfort us or having a goofy look on his face right when we needed it.

God is good. :-)

3. God's leading. Right when I need it the most, God shows up and reminds me that He's by my side, I'm on the right track, and as I keep following Him, He will take care of me. I'm so grateful. I can confidently follow Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail)." It's not always easy, but I know I can do it and God reassures me right when I need Him that He is trustworthy.

4. Nature. We live in a beautiful world that screams the goodness of God. Such a blessing to take time to be surrounded by lakes, trees, mountains, flies (okay, not flies! They are annoying!).... Always a reminder to me that there is peace in this world and we find it in God, our Creator.

5. Good food. I waited for a week before making this recipe last night from my Food Network magazine. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/grilled-lasagna-recipe/index.html. Super good! I love the fresh take on lasagna. If you like Italian, you'll love this. It makes four individual lasagna servings.

All for now! Hope you had a great 4th of July!

the seeming contradiction of Christianity

2011-06-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

You know I think one of the biggest contradictions I face now is the contradiction of the fact I know God wants me to be blessed and prosperous on this earth... and the fact that I've lost two loved ones at way too early of an age. Plus I see lots of family members and friends struggling with health or finances... yet I know God wants to bless each and every one of His children.

I think it's a contradiction that our mental capacities will never be able to comprehend.

God can bring help and hope and some answers to comfort, but as Paul said, we see in a glass dimly on this earth. We can't see the real picture, and we won't until heaven. We have no idea how many "wheels are turning" or pieces are in play right now in addition to our lives. Plus, we're not God. We don't know what's best. The only thing we can imagine is that trials can't be best because they hurt.

But what if we are wrong and we will face some type of trials here on earth because we live in a fallen world and something like this song is true...

What if we learn best in difficulty what God has been trying to show us all along? Perhaps it's God's best that we don't learn it through difficulty, but we're too stubborn or distracted during the good times to listen.

I don't know, but it's something I'm pondering today. I know God doesn't bring adversity and during adversity, we do everything we know to do. Sometimes, though, things happen that we don't understand and/or are out of our control, and that's what I'm talking about here. I know I've done other blog posts along this line... it's 'cuz I'm processing. :-)

P.S. I still fully believe that God wants us to live blessed lives here on earth. That thought will not change.

our cake adventure

2011-06-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Happy last weekend in June... CRAZY! As people have been saying for years, "Time flies!"

This weekend was super nice. We spent it in Erik's hometown celebrating Erik's grandma's 80th birthday. The party was on Sunday and it was a huge success!

I'm not 100% sure where the idea for this began, but Erik and I decided a while ago that our birthday present to Grandma would be to make her a birthday cake--not just any birthday cake, but a big, tiered cake.

We did a test cake to try a few of the recipes a week or so prior to this weekend and then we bought all the ingredients, brought them home to his parents with us, and spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning making a three-tiered, completely homemade topsy-turvy birthday cake! It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun!

Here are a few pics...

Some of the cakes... each layer was four tiers so that we could make it topsy/turvy looking. The cake recipes were really good!!!

Here's the chocolate cake... you can see the white buttercream on each layer, but that was just to hold in a homemade raspberry filling that I would love to eat by the spoonful!

Here's the white cake with buttercream frosting. Erik's cutting out the top so we can make a spot to put the next layer in it.

Here's the final product! That's marshmallow fondant on there. There's a buttercream "crumb coat" underneath the fondant. The bottom layer is chocolate. The top two are white. Kudos to Erik for really driving the design. He did awesome!

We've watched enough cake shows and challenges on Food Network and other stations... it was time for us to try it ourselves! We had a ton of fun and everyone liked how it tasted and looked. Who knows when we'll just decide to make our next one... actually, ideas are already in the works. :-)

All that to say... if you ever want to do something fun, just do it! Don't let impossibilities or the whole "that's crazy" factor stop you. Take dance lessons, make a huge cake, or paint a masterpiece, all because you can. :-)

the ancient request for God to move

2011-06-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

I opened up my Bible to Isaiah chapter 64 and immediately related to the sentiments written:

"Oh that you would rip open the heavens and descend
make the mountains shudder at your presence--
as when a forest catches fire,
as when fire makes a pot to boil--
to shock your enemies into facing you,
make the nations shake in their boots!" (Message)

I think if we were God and all the bad things happening around the world (and back then too) were happening, we would do exactly this. Rip the heavens open then come down and declare, "I am God! You enemies must scatter!" We would use (okay, abuse?) our godly power and make sure everyone knew how awesome we were.

That's why I think Isaiah's wish is probably echoed by many of us today... "God, just show up and make your power known so that all the bad guys will see that they are wrong, and all the good guys (us!) can cheer!"

But God is God. And obviously, He's smarter than us and abides by rules way better than we do.

Somehow in the middle of our questions, God is doing exactly what needs to be done. He knows the big picture. He knows that he handed over authority and dominion in this world to Adam... and Adam handed it over to Satan when Adam sinned. As a result, God's not going to barge in on that transaction until the time is right.

And boy, am I ready for that to happen! I'm super excited about the day I get to meet Jesus and see him be victorious and conquer the world and see evil be humbled (although I feel bad for the people who will find out they were wrong that day! so not cool for them!!).

If you aren't excited for the day Jesus comes back or you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a link that explains more about a relationship with Jesus.

By the way, Isaiah continues with some good stuff in chapter 64...

"Still, God, you are our Father.
We're the clay and you're our potter:
All of us are what you made us."

Somehow in the middle of chaos, pain, and hurt, God is still God and He knows what He's doing. We'll never understand his ways - as Isaiah says elsewhere in the book, His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts higher than our thoughts. Paul says that we see now in a glass dimly, but one day (in heaven) we'll see things much more clearly.

So that's all for now. As my best friend says, "God's still on the throne." :-) That's all we need to know!

happy early father's day!

2011-06-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

First of all, happy first father's day to my honey, Erik. I cry thinking about our honey up in heaven and not here with us. I know he's in a better place than we are... but that doesn't mean we can't miss him and wish he was with us. I know you would have been amazingly wonderful to Brody and in my imagination, he looks just like you. I really believe you'll get to be a father here on earth one day. Thanks for standing by me through all of this past year missing our son. We'll still miss him a lot in the future, but that's okay. It just makes me extra excited for the day we get to meet him in heaven.

Secondly, happy father's day to my dad. It's been such a crazy few years, but you and your faith have been a rock and an example to me and many others through this time. Thanks for helping Erik and I so much through these past months as we dealt with Brody going to Jesus. Here's to a future of living our faith and to the day I get to see you be a grandpa to my kids here on earth. (Given how awesome you are with Brian's girls, I know you'll be amazing!)

Thirdly, happy father's day to my father-in-law. Thank you for taking me into your family so easily! You'll never know the impact you had on me when you took the time to make sure I had an "outhouse" for my first big camping trip out on an island with no amenities. It did help make my camping experience a good one, but more than that, it showed you were watching out for me and cared.

Lastly, thanks to my grandparents and Erik's grandparents. Thanks for providing an example of faith and love to me and all of our family. I have an incredible family and family-in-law that I believe shows God's love to others.

the deadly game of comparison

2011-06-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

Ever compared yourself to someone else?

It's a dangerous activity, I promise. It can sneak in without being recognized and change your attitude from happy to sad before you even realize it is happening!

That's happened to me plenty (as I'm sure it has a lot of us!). Today I remembered the verse 2 Corinthians 10:12, "When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise" (NIV).

It's foolish to compare what we see in someone else's life to our own, but it's something I think everyone on earth deals with, simply because of that common phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side." The thing we don't realize is that if we switched places, we would get someone else's trouble, junk, trials, and difficulties, right in the middle of all the "goodness" we see.

Someone may look perfect on the outside, but that doesn't mean they have a perfect life.

Take Hollywood for example. Say I wish I was Jennifer Aniston who makes how many millions for every movie she makes. She's a superstar. We trade places and you know what I'd get? A life of being followed by paparazzi, every move of mine scrutinized by the public, and a whole list of other things that she's dealing with in life. Yeah, you'd get a lot of money, but money doesn't make a life good!

Okay, take a more realistic example. You see your friends doing ________ and wish you could be doing the same thing. You'd love that person's life. In reality, if you swapped places, you'd inherit all the junk they've gone through in life... maybe they lost someone they loved or have a family member who is an alcoholic or were abused as a kid. Nobody's life is perfect.

When the ugly heads of discontent and comparison appear, smush them down like you smushed the mallet on top of the little heads that pop out of that video game at Chuckie Cheese (you know which one I'm talking about?). Recognize that we all have things we deal with, and every life has beauty bloom in its time. We just take turns experiencing it.

it's the little things in life

2011-06-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me, you know that I am very easily amused by the little things in life.

For example, I got two colored bottles from the Bachman's idea house this past spring. (I love the idea house - they fix up an old house with new and vintage items and reuse items in unique ways. You look at what they can done and then you can buy some of the things you like and creatively find ways to use them! bachmans.com has all the details. I think today or tomorrow is the last day for the summer idea house.) Here's a picture of the porch of the idea house when I got the bottles.

See the bottles hanging from the ceiling? I purchased two of them and one is now my watering "can" and the other holds change. Okay, it holds some change. Nickels and quarters don't quite fit (whoops!), but pennies and dimes do.

I am thoroughly stoked about the day that jar will be filled with dimes and pennies... I can picture us bringing our kids (it will take a while for the jar to get filled!) in to dump out the money and find out how much we have! I'm so excited about the potential of the full jar that I LOVE finding pennies and dimes. Pretty much any dime or penny I see will quickly be rushed to the jar.

The bottom right now is barely filled, but again, I have a vision of one day having enough coins in there to fill it to the top! :-)

All that to say... I was in Erik's truck yesterday and saw two dimes at the bottom of his cup holder. I asked, "Can I please take these dimes?" (and yes, I may have had a begging look in my eye...)

He replied, "Sure. I know you're get much more enjoyment out of taking them then I will with them staying in my car."

I laughed because he was absolutely right.

:-) I love being amused by little things. Makes life a whole lot more fun. :-)

giants don't own the land... i do

2011-06-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

This morning the devo in the Life Application Study Bible was this:

Psalm 13:5-6: "But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me."
"David was faithful to God and trusted wholeheartedly in him, but he felt the pressure of his problems as much as anyone. Instead of giving up or giving in, however, David held on to his faith. In times of despair, it is much harder to hold on than to give up. But if you give up on God, you give in to a life of despair."

It reminded me of what I was pondering last night. God told the Israelites that the Promised Land was their land. The problem was that giants and huge walled cities and a bunch of enemies who had no intention of giving up their land were currently living in that same land.

The Israelites had to fight to see the promise of God manifest in their lives. Now I know that Jesus has purchased so much for us on the cross and when He rose from the grave, but I also think that we can learn from the Israelites. They had to look past the fact that giants and enemies were everywhere, and trust in the word from heaven that they owned the land and God would help them get it.

Same goes for me. When I face difficulty (a giant), by the grace of God, I need to keep focused on the fact of what God has promised to me in His Word and be persistent in believing that truth until I see it become a reality in my life.

Joshua was the one who led the Israelites through these battles and before heading into the land, God tells Joshua over and over again in Joshua chapter 1, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go.

God is with me and Erik (and you!) and no matter what difficulty we face on this earth, somehow God has given us a way to fight the fight of faith and see those giants disappear. I don't know how that always looks in the natural sense, but the grace and favor of God is there to help me figure it out.

May His grace be evident in helping you today. Hugs.

He's my healer

2011-06-07T13:30:00.000-07:00

Today while working, I played the song "Healer." I just want to internalize these lyrics (and truths) and make them a living part of my life. Sometimes the hardest part in life is letting go and actually trusting. I can say, "I trust" and think, "I trust" but actually trusting can sometimes be tricky... you know what I mean?

Have a God-filled day. :-)

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

today's top 5 (6/1)

2011-06-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

Halfway through 2011. Wow! As is seemingly quoted all the time... "Time flies!"

Here are today's top 5 things I'm grateful for...

1. Family. They provide joy in every week and are always ready for an adventure or a good belly laugh. Last weekend, Erik and I got to be with his family. This weekend we're going to be with my family. Yay!

2. Family, part 2. I have to give a shout out to my cousins (I think they are actually second cousins, but cousins is so much easier to say!) who have been a huge blessing to us. They watch our dog when we are gone and we get to watch their dog when they are gone. Tucker loves this because he has a playmate whenever we are away and I love it because it tires out Tucker. After his "playdate" with the other dog, Tuck's wiped out and sleeping around the house for at least a day and a half.

3. Camping. We just went camping this past weekend, and there's something about making a home in the middle of the nature that I truly enjoy. We did get rained on and dealt with some wind, but that's okay. I love the feeling of crawling inside my tent and laying on my sleeping bag and air pad while listening to the wind swoosh by me and the rain patter on top of the tent, all while none of it touches me. Somehow that tent is what I want my life to be like. I want to hear the rain and wind in life when it is stormy out, but know that it can't touch me because I'm safe in the shelter my God provides me (Psalm 91).

4. Pudgy pies. Camping story... my hubby's family introduced me to "pudgy pies." You have these... wait. Here's a picture...

You butter the pie iron and then put a piece of bread down and then fill it with pie filling or pizza sauce/pepperoni/cheese or whatever you want. You put another piece of bread on top and clamp down. Give the dog the corners of the bread that don't fit and then put it in the fire until warm. Very nummy and a fun camping treat.

5. Christian music. This helps me keep my focus on God amidst the clamoring of everything else in the world.

Happy Wednesday! Hope you had a good Memorial Day weekend. Thank you to my family and friends who have served in the military. I am grateful and awed by your dedication to God and our country. Thank you.

first time fishing for the season

2011-05-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

So my post about this is a little delayed since it's from a few weeks ago, but here are a few pics from my first fishing outing of the season.

I like the first pic because it's a glimpse of the beauty and serenity that I get to be a part of every time I go fishing.

The next pic is my view. :-) I'm in the back fishing and Erik's up front. I am very glad he's introduced me to fishing. It's a fun thing to do.

Since it was my first outing of the spring, I/we decided to bring Tucker so he didn't have to stay at home and be sad and then be crazy when we came home since he'd have all that energy from being home alone.

I quickly remembered why he usually stays home from fishing trips... he whines some since he'd much prefer being off the leash, jumping in the lake, fishing on his own, smelling everything, etc. Thankfully, he was much better than he was the previous year we took him. He started to show some maturity and didn't whine the whole time... just a little bit. :-) (Oh and he's not quite old enough or "mature" enough to be off the leash. One day I'm sure.)

We'll have many more fishing adventures to come! What's your sport/hobby for the spring and summer? :-)

today's top 5 (5/25)

2011-05-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

Today's top five things I'm thankful for...

1. My house is still standing. I wasn't near the tornadoes that hit, but I know people affected by the storms. I've seen pictures, and I can't imagine my house and belongings being damaged or gone within moments. In an odd way, it reminds me about the fact that life can change in an instant, as my life has time and again. It also reminds me of the rapture. I was reading Matthew 24-25 last night and this morning because of the recent world events... the predicted rapture, the numerous storms, the crazy lack of morality, and the Israel-related world affairs. These two chapters in Matthew are about the end of the world and the day that Jesus will return and when the rapture will really happen (no one knows...). In an instant - when people aren't prepared - life will change when the rapture happens. I'm reminded I need to be wise and ready at all times.

2. The Bible. God left us a whole book to help guide us through life. It's a book that has lasted for generations upon generations. Every time I read it, something helps me in my life decisions. That's the same thing people have been saying for how many thousands of years now... that's awesome crazy!

3. Vacation. Memorial Day is Monday and that means a day off from work. What are you doing with your day off? Vacation of any kind rocks.

4. My puppy. I could tell you story after story and show you picture after picture of why Tucker makes me laugh so much and smile throughout the day. He's got lots of personality, and he always makes Erik and I smile.

5. Gardens. We don't have a garden, but we did plant herbs and vegetables outside. Fun to be able to grow our own food, even if it's just a few plants!

Have a wonderful day!

Jesus' mission statement and core values

2011-05-21T15:34:00.000-07:00

So I heard this at a work meeting this past week (credit to Pastor Brian Sullivan) and really liked it. He was talking about time management and how one of the first steps toward time management is having a mission statement for your life and a set of core values you live by. He used Jesus' life as an example, and I think it's a very good way to live our lives too.

Jesus' mission statement
"For the Son of Man came to seek and save that which was lost." Luke 19:10

Jesus' core values
1. Do the right things for the right reasons (Matt. 6:1-8)
2. Pray God's agenda, not your own (Matt. 6:9-13)
3. Relationships will make or break you (Matt. 6:14-15)
4. Prioritize eternal things, not temporal things (Matt. 6:19-24)
5. Don't sweat the small stuff (Matt. 6:25-31)
6. God's kingdom is paramount; seek it (Matt. 6:32-33)
7. Judge yourself before you judge others (Matt. 7:16)
8. If you need something, ask; if you have something, give it (Matt. 7:7-12)
9. Stay true to your convictions; don't wander from the narrow path (Matt. 7:13-20)
10. Obedience to God is the only sure foundation for life (Matt. 7:21-27)

Good stuff. I definitely want to keep this mission and these values a priority in my life as well.

today's top 5 (5/18)

2011-05-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

1. God's grace. I haven't felt like the most gracious, loving person this morning. I should have started my day with my quiet time, but didn't. Sometimes when I miss it, it's so hard to discipline myself to get back to it. I should know better because starting the day with it makes life SO much easier! All that to say, I'm grateful for God's grace and that I can get back up again and He's there to help me. I don't want to abuse it, but when I really want to do right, but still don't (Romans 7 anyone?), I'm grateful He stills cares and loves me and takes me as I am.

2. My phone? This one has a question mark after it because it's been a frustration for the past two days, turning on and off at will! But right now, my phone has remained on for almost an hour without problems and I'm very grateful. Maybe it's better? We'll see. :-)

3. Restaurants. I love cooking, but some days, premade food is wonderful.

4. My hubby. He's wonderful.

5. My mom's day flowers. They've lasted a long time. They make me smile.

Hope your day is going well!

"Anyway"

2011-05-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on American Idol, and it really blessed me. I've been listening to it the past few days. It's not officially a Christian song... it's country (don't worry, no twang!) and it's called Anyway.

Here are the lyrics that stuck out to me the most....

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
anyway

It probably has more impact if you listen to it... the first version is the shorter version by Lauren Alaina. The second is the full version by Martina McBride.

I don't know if I can thoroughly explain why this hits home with me, but I'll try. After tragedy hits, life becomes tainted. It's hard to rebuild, especially knowing that "one storm can come blow it all away"... but you build it anyway.

I'm finding (and believe!) that if you dare to allow it, tragedy can transform your outlook on life into something more mature, seasoned, and influential.

The final product from my paint-by-number!

This reminds me of the ugly brown paint that came in my paint-by-number piece I worked on a few weeks ago. I thought that brown paint was good for nothing. It was ugly and I was astounded that they wanted me to mix that brown paint with a beautiful blue color. I thought nothing good could come of mixing that dark color with the pretty blue... but it turned into a wonderful color (purple, I think) that worked perfectly with the piece.

That brown paint is like tragedy. It looks ugly and none of us can imagine something beautiful coming out of it, but God can take the ugly and makes beautiful colors out of it that couldn't get there any other away.

He's amazing. No matter what obstacles come my way, I'll serve Him, singing, dancing, living, and loving anyway.

"thrift" sales

2011-05-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one day... not normal for me, but I am super stoked about what I did last Saturday!

My mom-in-law and sis-in-law and I hit a city-wide thrift sale (aka garage sale!) Saturday morning. We all walked away with something and at least one item from each garage sale (except the odd sale in a basement...).

I'm pretty happy with all my purchases, which included some jeans and a shirt, but here are my two favorite (and cheapest!).

My hubby is a huge Favre/Packers fan, so even though it isn't a current jersey, I will gladly dress my future boys/girls in this onesie! (for fifty cents, I couldn't resist!!!)

My other purchase has to be attributed to watching American Pickers... hunting for the old, unique item in the middle of a bunch of junk. I kept my eye out for that right sheen and odd piece amongst all the random dishes, books, and kitchen appliances. Here's what I found...

It's an old food chopper, and I absolutely love the look of it. It didn't have a sticker on it, so you can imagine my excitement when they told me it was twenty-five cents. I walked away from that sale floating with the thrill of the find. :-) I did buy it with the intent of displaying it... so I was absolutely thrilled when it fit exactly where I wanted it to and looked even better than I expected. Here's a glimpse of where it is at now...

Safely above the kitchen cabinets providing a hint of old and the wonder of the find. :-)

Okay, all for now, I hope you have a wonderful day!

my first mother's day

2011-05-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well, no one expects their first mother's day to be one without a baby in their arms, but I know it happens to more people than it ever should. (Hey, if it only happened to one person ever, that's too many!) I was thinking about all those moms yesterday - the ones with babies in heaven - and sending them love.

Yesterday was my first mother's day, and thanks to my wonderful friends and family it went as good as it could. My lips trembled many times throughout the day and tears came once, but overall, I took the day to remember Brody and think about Jesus or Uncle Brian telling him stories about me in heaven. I'm sure Brody was laughing and smiling over my many quirks.

Sometimes it's very hard to even comprehend that I am supposed to have a newborn who would be friends with all the babies I see being born right now. Pictures of new babies and pregnant bellies continue to pop up and with the marvels of facebook, I feel like I'm watching certain kids grow up. It kinda makes me sick to the stomach thinking that I was supposed to be one of them--that's why I do try to stop myself whenever my mind goes in that direction.

I think I'm pretty good at adapting to new situations in life. The past is the past and it can't be changed, so why dwell on it? You can wish every once in a while that things would be different, but I think I'd rather dream about the future. I'm kinda mentally going back to the place I was in before I got pregnant--and that's the place where I dream about holding a baby in my arms.

That seems to be the best place for me to be. I love Brody and remember him all the time. Wishing and dreaming I could be with him, but knowing he's in the best place he could ever be in. I mean, this is really a crazy world... I am very glad he's safe with Jesus right now.

Thank you to everyone who took time to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It meant the world to me to hear it. I know I don't look like a mother to the naked eye, but I am and I love being a mommy, even though it's different than I expected.

I'm hopeful that next Mother's Day I'll be holding a baby, but only God knows for sure exactly the timing on that. I believe that Brody won't meet his siblings (whoever they are!) for a very long time. Mommy and Daddy get time with them for a long time (in earth time) first! (And just to confirm, I'm not preggo...). :-)

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful ladies in my life... my mom, both my grandmas, Erik' mom, both Erik's grandmas. You are all beautiful and I'm so happy you are my family. I learn from you and love you.

P.S. I have to give a shout out to my hubby for being with me and by my side through yesterday. He's amazing... the flowers and card were perfect and I ESPECIALLY loved our dinner... Dairy Queen cupcakes! MADE MY DAY! (Note: I rarely use all caps to show emphasis... but this was THAT important to me... all caps were necessary!) **huge smile**

my two cents on world events

2011-05-02T15:51:00.000-07:00

I've been watching Facebook over the past 12+ hours and I've been fascinated by all the status updates about bin Laden. There's a wide variety... from celebrating his death to mourning the loss of a human life to shaming people for celebration to pure fact.

At a time like this, I remind myself that all of us have a perspective on our Christianity that no one else has. We are unique and the comments we each make come from what we've learned and experienced. Whether or not you agree with someone else's comments, it will do you good to ponder why they commented in such a way and what their perspective may be. Most of the time they have a reason behind their comments that they don't even understand, and it goes deeper than face value. Most likely there is some truth in their comments and I bet, if you're open to it, you can learn from it.

Part of me wants to provide my perspective on my feelings of the actual death of bin Laden, but I'll do my best to refuse and simply say: don't criticize other people's perspectives. We all have an opinion and a point to share. Respectfully counter, but don't shame them for celebrating or commentating. Provide a different opinion, but don't negate theirs.

That's my two cents.

One other thought, thank you, Lord, for our military. Bless them for what they do. Surround them right now and protect them. Protect our nation, our leaders, and our borders. Protect our airways and may America come back to You.

beauty out of rain

2011-04-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

You know, this day reminds me of what I believe my life will look like within the next few years. It started off really rainy and wet. I had even dried my hair before leaving to make sure I didn't freeze from wet hair... only to remember I had to still walk the dog in pouring rain! I'm thankful for umbrellas. :-) By the end of the day, the sun was shining and although it was super windy, it turned out to be nice outside. Tuck and I enjoyed a nice walk this afternoon.

I'm still grieving Brody a lot. I thought it would be a little easier after the "I was supposed to be pregnant right now" time period was over, but it's been a little harder because I see babies and think - even subconsciously it seems - that I should have my own right now. (I do--he's just in heaven.)

And I'm not saying all that to get sympathy or anything. Overall, I think I'm doing fine. I'm just going through the grieving process... and all that to say, there's been a lot of rain pouring in my life. And I've gotten wet (even with the Lord's umbrella of grace over my head - I'm getting wet from walking in the puddles!)... but the sun will--and is!--coming out to shine in my life.

I think that's the way it should happen. Grief is like the rain. You get messy when it rains. Rain leaves an impact. But the sun will come again and shine in your life making beauty out of the rain.

in wonder

2011-04-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

My God is an amazing God. Today I read Psalm 6:6 out of a devotional Bible:

      I am worn out from sobbing.
      All night I flood my bed with weeping,
      drenching it with my tears.

This reminded me, as some of the Psalms often do, that God can handle our anger. He can handle our frustration and He can handle our tears. I've been frustrated, worn out, and tired at various times throughout my life and God has never given up on me or stopped listening to me.

The key is that you have to bring it to Him. It doesn't help for you to be angry at God but never vent out your frustrations or just go along doing your own thing and ignoring Him. I've learned that I can bring my frustration to Him and He can handle it. In fact, He even helps you work through it.

I do love the fact that whenever David vents his frustration in the Psalms, a time of adoration and praise for God is always close by. He vents and then reminds Himself of who God is and that He will take care of things... somehow, someway.

Speaking of the person and character of God... I saw this today (and apparently over one million people have also seen it) and thought I'd share it. What a great reminder of what an awesome God we serve.

today's top 5 (4/22)

2011-04-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

Five things I'm thankful for today...

1. Walks with my dog. It's nice to have a reason to have to walk outside... and it's a great way to enjoy the weather.
2. My best girlfriend, April. It's her birthday on Monday and I'm excited to celebrate her at her bday party tomorrow! She deserves that and a whole lot more. She's amazing.
3. Seasons. I love, love, love the states with continual warm weather, but I love the symbolism of seasons--especially the days of winter becoming spring. I believe the same thing happens in our lives - we go through seasons, and sometimes we're in that winter season. While we are there, it's so helpful to remember that one day--even though it sometimes feels very delayed--spring will come.
4. The Bible. What would I do without God's written Word to me? It encourages, strengthens, and helps. I want to rely on it much more than I do. It's a growing process.
5. Last--and most important--Jesus' death and resurrection. Without his selflessness, I would be nobody and go nowhere in life. His sacrifice is amazing... especially when you think about actually living in those moments of torture and pure agony... all for me. Absolutely crazy. I'm so thankful.

Have a wonderful Easter! Celebrate Him... He really does deserve all of our praise and worship! :-)

today's top 5

2011-04-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

Here are five things I'm thankful for today... (it can be about anything... my main top five that I'm always thankful for I posted yesterday.)

1. My mother who made dinner for the four of us night after night after night after night... After being married two years and doing my best to cook dinners for us as often as possible, I have a slightly better understanding of what that entails--a lot of work! So thankful she put that time into our family.
2. Birds. During the spring I hear birds chirping outside almost all day long. I love it!
3. Food Network. Okay this may sound funny, but I am grateful for people who take the time to test out awesome recipes and then make them available to us.
4. Spring. Although the state I live in doesn't always include spring in its repertoire of weather, there's such a sense of hope and renewal in the air during spring. No hustling and bustling of the Christmas season. Making plans for summer, yet the quickness of summer (how fast it goes by) doesn't seem to be there.
5. Easter. Right in the middle of spring is Easter, the day we celebrate Jesus' resurrection from the dead. That's the reason that I will live forever with Jesus once I leave this earth. I'm definitely thankful for that.

Happy Thursday. What are you thankful for today? :-)

5 things I'm thankful for

2011-04-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

I gotta give credit to my second cousin for this one.... It stood out to me one time we were talking that she said she tries to end every night by journaling about five things that she's thankful for. I've tried to do that when I remember so I thought I'd share that today... although I'll do a double list to start off with.

Here are the top five things I'm thankful for every day:
1. God. Without Him, I am nothing. He is the reason behind life and the reason for my life.
2. My hubby, Erik. Life is super fun with him. He always makes me laugh and loves me so much.
3. My family. I have an absolutely amazing set of parents, immediate family, and extended family. They've grounded me in confidence, are super fun to be with, and trained me in the Lord. Love them so much.
4. Erik's family. I married into a stellar family as well. They are super fun to be around.... I'm a very blessed girl.
5. My friends. I have amazing people surrounding me--from close, close friends to not as close acquaintances, I'm really surrounded by solid people.

Goodness.... I could continue that list...
6. Tucker. The two years that Erik and I have had a lot of tough times. Tuck has always made us laugh right when we needed a smile. He loves unconditionally and has no idea that bad things are going on... unless the bad thing is that his ball is stuck under the table or he has to go into his cage when we leave him.
7. My job. I'm blessed with amazing coworkers and a great job that I can do from home. Love writing and love my job.

Here's today's 5 things I'm thankful for...
1. Clean sheets... absolutely love getting into bed when I've just washed the sheets!
2. Comfy pants and hooded sweatshirts... enough said. :-)
3. Music... love, love, love good worship songs and piano music
4. Good food and good recipes
5. My house... Erik and I have a great place to live. Thankful for a roof over our heads and wonderful neighbors.

What five things are you thankful for today?

in Christ alone

2011-04-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

So many words, thoughts, and blog ideas have been running through my head over the past few days... yet getting them down is sometimes a challenge. So today, I thought I'd post lyrics to the song I walked down the aisle to. (I think I posted a video of it recently, but I don't remember... either way, here it is again!) Possibly one of my favorites. The words mean much to me.

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains
But losses to the glory of my Lord

smiles.

2011-04-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

So I've just been living life lately. I'm taking time to enjoy these moments I have cooking for Erik, working full-time from home, etc.... in a year or two I'll be at a different place in life (and I don't know exactly what that means! I just know things will look different in some way!) I'm enjoying my time being married and hanging out with Erik and Tucker. :-) There's always something to smile about... sometimes it takes a while to find it and sometimes it's just something small. Sometimes it's big. Either way, smiling makes everything better.

Lately, some of Erik and my smiles have come from some new toys I bought for Tucker. He's very funny about his squeaky toys. And since this one is kinda funny looking, I thought it might bring you a smile.

Here it is before squeezing.

Here it is after squeezing....

Tuck loves his little squeaky toy. :-)

loving this Scripture right now

2011-04-08T05:35:00.000-07:00

So last night I had a "the-Bible-falls-open-to-an-awesome-Scripture" moment. It opened to Lamentations chapter 3. Now I don't remember all the details about this book, except that it is about Jeremiah and he's lamenting stuff that's happened.

Read through the beginning of chapter 3 and you'll see this is some serious lamenting! He feels like the Lord has "buried me in a dark place, like those long dead..." (verse 6).

But despite feeling like the Lord has done all this to Him, all of that leads to this:

²⁰ I will never forget this awful time,
      as I grieve over my loss.
²¹ Yet I still dare to hope
      when I remember this:
²² The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
      His mercies never cease.
²³ Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him!”
²⁵ The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
      to those who search for him.
²⁶ So it is good to wait quietly
      for salvation from the Lord.

Good stuff. I see this same thing throughout the Psalms... major venting about the Lord and then: "But, I will praise Him anyway--no matter what I feel--because He is good, and really does love me. He will answer His children."

It is nice to see those emotions in godly people in the Word. It shows me how to handle frustration and similar feelings if/when they come.

That's what I'm thinking about today. :-) Happy Friday to you all!

"famous" sayings

2011-04-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so these are necessarily "famous" but they are quotes that have had a big impact on my life.

"God's still on the throne." -April Lindahl

"Life's not a sprint; it's a marathon." -my dad

"Keep writing." -Pastor Nate Ruch (during and after complications with my pregnancy)

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." -James 1:2-4

"If you don't quit, you will win." -Pastor Mac Hammond

brody's due date

2011-04-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Today was Brody's due date. April 2, 2011.

I woke up this morning and didn't know what to feel. Kinda that overwhelmed, zombie feeling I had right after Brody passed away and even after Brian passed away. The feeling where you just want to keep moving and make it through today. You just don't know what to think or do or say. And that's okay. (Today hasn't been half as intense in the "zombie feeling" as this past fall, so I appreciate that.)

A lot has been running through my head as I process today. I'm doing relatively well thinking about Brody. A little sad, but okay. I have had a little over four months to get used to this new future of him being in heaven so that does help. I do miss him a lot though.

I think that's all I'll write for now. Just wanted to give Brody a shout-out. Oh and my parents and Erik and I are celebrating him with a night out on the town tonight. I've been really looking forward to it, which helps.

By the way, I am happy and maybe even a little relieved to be through the "I should be pregnant right now" stage.

Hugs and love. I'm sure I"ll write plenty more later to make up for the short entry today. :-)

my new hobby

2011-03-23T20:31:00.000-07:00

So I have a new hobby in life... didn't plan on picking it up, but some friends gave me a paint-by-number for Christmas and once I started it, I found out that I am thoroughly enjoying it! It's perfect to enjoy during this season of life that I am in.

It's one of those things where you get started and you just want to keep going because you want to make this picture come alive! Now that I'm starting to put multiple colors in a section, it is starting to look cool.

Never knew this type of thing was out there, so thanks Leslie G. and family for introducing me to it! I'll try to remember to post the final product. :-)

In other news... I enjoy watching Food Network and have actually learned a lot of cooking terms and ideas from the show. For example, twice this week now I've made something that didn't quite taste right, so I thought to myself, "How can I sweeten this up?" or "What can I thicken this with?" and using some of my knowledge from Food Network, I feel like I did a pretty good job of turning something icky tasting into something decent. Not bad at all. :-)

Just little updates. Hope all is well in your life.

Hugs~

seasons of life

2011-03-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

This morning, before heading outside to my car from the building I was in, I turned to the lady next to me and said, "I'm excited for the day when we won't have to brace ourselves before going outside into the cold weather."

She quickly agreed. We are only a week or so away from the official first day of spring. The snow will take a lot longer to disappear, but spring is around the corner. And you know what? That knowledge that spring is coming gets many people (including me!) through what often can be a long, cold winter. The picture of warm weather and sun shining onto green grass keeps us going when we are up to our knees in that white, and often brown, mush we like to call snow.

I realized this morning that same hope of the next season is what has been getting me through the difficulties I've had over the past few years. Hope that tomorrow will come and tomorrow might be better, but even more than that, the hope that in one, two, five, ten years, I'll look back and say, "Remember the day that happened? It was horrible, but look at all the good that came out of it and look where I am today."

I don't know how long seasons last, but I know that a day will come where a better season starts and life will look completely different. Two examples: I remember the week my brother, Brian, passed away, I kept thinking, "The day will come when I'll be a year or two passed this and I won't hurt this much." That day has come. I still miss him a lot, but life has gotten a little easier, even though we miss Brian on regular basis. I fully believe that the day will come at some point in the future when I'll hold a newborn baby of Erik and mine in my hands and we'll say, "Our firstborn son is in heaven; this is our second born and we're excited to raise him/her." That's what keeps me going through difficult days.

Life is filled with seasons and just like Australia's winter comes at a different time than Minnesota's winter, people go through seasons at different times. Sometimes it's the people in the middle of "spring" who are there to remind the people in the middle of "winter" that good things lie ahead for them.

That's why people are so important. We all provide different perspectives. Some perspectives are tainted by the season people are currently in, so we have to give people grace for that. But we also need to learn from everyone around us.

Seasons happen.

Ecclesiastes 3 says:

¹ To everything there is a season,

      A time for every purpose under heaven:
       ² A time to be born,
         And a time to die;
     A time to plant,
        And a time to pluck what is planted;
       ³ A time to kill,
        And a time to heal;
     A time to break down,
       And a time to build up;
       ⁴ A time to weep,
      And a time to laugh;
      A time to mourn,
     And a time to dance;      ...

The chapter continues along this line of thought... then verse 11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time."

That's the God I serve. A God who takes the season we are in and finds good in it... He takes the snow of life and brings you a mountain to ski down. He takes the open lakes and brings you a fishing pole. He takes the mud of spring and brings you a dirt bike. He's a God who also takes you through each season to the next one.

Seasons are a good, God-thing. Something beautiful is either buried or on the surface of each one.

Jesus has been where we are

2011-03-11T16:03:00.000-08:00

So I've always been a bit baffled by what the Bible says in Hebrews 4:15.

"For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning."

I've read this and thought, Well, yeah, but Jesus never had to choose between the TV and the Bible.... He has no idea of the ups and downs I go through as a girl.... He never had the pressures of a cell phone interrupting His Bible reading....

I'd come up with a ton of different reasons why this didn't make sense that Jesus had been tempted as we were because he didn't face some of the specific scenarios we face in today's culture. Don't get me wrong - I believed it must be true because it was the Bible. I just didn't get it.

Well, I've been thinking about this a lot recently and it is making more sense. Jesus wasn't tempted with the exact situations that you and I face, but he was tempted with the same feelings, thoughts, and deceptions that the devil throws in the face of people living in any age. (As Erik pointed out to me earlier today, the devil doesn't have too many tricks up his sleeve!)

In fact, we all face the exact same stuff as each other. Guilt. Condemnation. Fear. Rejection. Jealousy. Just as Jesus was faced with these feelings and thoughts, we are faced with these feelings and thoughts, even though our circumstances vary. Someone may feel guilty for disobeying their parents. Another person may feel guilty for cheating on their taxes. Another person may feel guilty for forgetting to say goodbye to someone on the phone. But they all feel guilty, and all of them need to learn how to properly deal with (aka get rid of!) those feelings of guilt.

Jesus may have been tempted to feel guilty that he couldn't take care of his mother as much as some might have wanted him to. He may have been tempted to feel guilty that he didn't take over the carpentry business. Who knows? But I bet that He had moments where thoughts of guilt came. The difference between him and us is that He didn't let himself become guilty. He didn't accept guilt to be a part of His life. He dealt with it differently.

The biggest thing the devil wants to do is make you feel like you are alone and no one knows what you are going through. Yes, you are correct that no one has a life exactly like yours, but you are incorrect in thinking you are alone. In reality, we're all in this thing called "life" together and we all face complications in life and thoughts of incompetency or guilt or whatever it is we deal with. We all have a stumbling point; my stumbling point is different from yours - but I guarantee someone else gets tripped up in the same way I do just as Jesus at one point dealt with feelings I'm dealing with.

Second Corinthians 10:3-4 says: "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds...."

Like I said earlier, the enemy doesn't have many tricks up his sleeve. He lies, steals, and kills (John 10:10). That's it. He deceives us into thinking we should be condemned or feel rejected or be jealous. In reality, God has made a way for us to be completely free from all of that junk the enemy throws our way. Amazing. Jesus was perfect, but became sin for us that we could become perfect - or righteous - in Him.

Hopefully that makes sense. It's a work in progress and a whole lot more could be said... but it's a start.

God is with you in whatever journey you are on right now. And somehow, someway, Jesus can relate to what you are going through. He knows how hard (or easy!) it is to face what you are facing. He's been there and defeated the enemy so you can walk through this and defeat the enemy today.

our second anniversary

2011-03-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was our second anniversary. Erik and I had a wonderful time celebrating! Since we just had a night out to eat celebrating us for Valentine's Day, we thought it would be fun to stay home and make a restaurant style meal since we both enjoy baking and cooking.

When we were dating, Erik surprised me at home by making a ribeye steak meal with mashed potatoes, some type of veggie, a roll... the full steak dinner, but homemade. Candlelight and everything. We loved it so much we did it again last night with a few changes.

I don't have pics of Erik grilling, but he took a little grill (one he uses for camping) and grilled cauliflower, asparagus, and ribeye steak to perfection. So delicious. Inside the house, I made this recipe:

The potatoes are super crispy on the outside and super smushy on the inside. It takes a while in a 500 degree oven, but definitely worth it! With the juice we had as a beverage, the full meal looked like this...

For dessert, we decided to replicate the molten chocolate cake you see at Chili's (and you can get something similar at a lot of other restaurants as well)....Thanks to Food Network magazine we had the recipe.

What our version looked like unbaked (waiting for the potatoes to come out of the oven)...

Erik needed to test the batter to make sure it tasted okay. (Okay, I did too; I just didn't take any pictures as evidence!) Tuck wanted some too.

Here's the close to finished product

And the final thing....

The whole meal was very good. We enjoyed it all very much and complimented ourselves plenty. ;-) In the middle of making the dessert, we watched Despicable Me, a cartoon that came out last summer, and enjoyed that. All in all, a wonderful way to enjoy our two years together.

Here's to many more years with my honey!!! :-)

the power of praise

2011-03-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

One of the easiest things that happens when you're working through something difficult in life is that you get overwhelmed by the bad in the situation. Or, as I referred to it in a previous post, it's like when you are sliding down a waterslide and the water splashes up into your face at the very end. You close your eyes to keep the water from getting in. Once you're off the slide, you come up out of the water and blink your way back into reality.

That's what happens during difficult times. You get overwhelmed. And today I remembered the phrase "praise stills the enemy."

It comes from Psalm 8:2, "Out of the mouths of babes and unweaned infants You have established strength because of Your foes, that You might silence the enemy and the avenger." Also Matthew 21:16^"And they said to Him, Do You hear what these are saying? And Jesus replied to them, Yes; have you never read, Out of the mouths of babes and unweaned infants You have made (provided) perfect praise?"

Strength comes when you praise. This morning when I started to praise, it reminded me of how big God is and brought a certain joy to me because it caused me to stop thinking about the problems around me.

When I taught in the junior high ministry at my church, I used the example that if you put your Bible in front of your face, that's all you can see. If I hold my Bible out at arm's length, I can the Bible plus everything around it. The closer it is to me, the more my vision is filled with it.

The same is true in life. Praise causes you to bring God into closer view and causes the other things in your life to pale in comparison.

Oh and what exactly is praise? I like to define it as "making God big." When you praise Him, you make much of the power and might that He has... and as you do that, you remind yourself that He's bigger than whatever you are facing.

If you're going through a difficult situation, try praising God. I guarantee it will help.

crying is okay

2011-03-04T15:17:00.000-08:00

If you're going through a difficult time, crying is okay.

I sometimes remind myself of this when I find myself needing to cry at the most random times. I remember everything I've been through, have a good cry, sometimes find someone to cry with so I'm not allowing myself to wallow in sadness, and then I move on.

I obviously don't know a lot about what other people do when they are on their own, but I do know that for me sometimes crying feels wrong or unnecessary or "do I really need to cry again?" I know that's not true, but those thoughts have come. I'm sure if I've felt those types of emotions, others have too. And I've decided (and I know it to be fact) that crying is okay. It doesn't mean you're "not doing good" and it might not even mean you're having a bad day. It just means you're taking time to remember whatever you've lost or whatever you've been hurt by. So let yourself cry if you're facing difficulty or loss or hurt. It's okay.

Do remember though that you can't cry forever. Every time I cry I make sure it doesn't become an hours-long pity party. I cry, recognize my sadness and spend moments reflecting on my loss, but then I look to something else - the good ahead, the fact that it will somehow be okay - something that will help me remember life is living now, not in the past.

The last part of Psalm 30:5 says, "weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Your crying can and should end for that moment. You'll cry again another time remembering whatever you're going through. Let yourself have those moments, and then pick yourself up again and move on.

Hopefully that makes sense what I'm trying to say. There's a ditch on either side--stuffing it inside and never crying about anything is one ditch. The other ditch is crying all the time and living in a depressed state. Neither are healthy. But you can legitimately balance the two. Sometimes it takes work. Last night I had a good cry and I honestly felt like I could cry for hours I was so sad at the time (and I had an okay day, it just was triggered by something!), but after taking some time reflecting on and weeping for some of the losses I've experienced here on earth, I moved on... in this case, I think I went on to watch who made it through the wild card round of American Idol. :-) Yeah, TV isn't always the best alternative, but sometimes it's an easy way to distract yourself so you can move on. Other times just changing the topic of conversation works. Plenty of times Erik and I move on by telling silly stories or playing with Tucker. Listening to Christian music, reading your Bible... just moving on so we don't wallow.

Like I said, ditches exist when it comes to crying over what you've lost in life (because I think we've all lost something at some point), but a middle road also exists and I pray that God shows you how to walk that as you walk through whatever loss you face in life.

Psalm 30
¹ I will exalt you, Lord,
   for you lifted me out of the depths
   and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
² Lord my God, I called to you for help,
   and you healed me.
³ You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
   you spared me from going down to the pit.
⁴ Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
   praise his holy name.
⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,
   but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
   but rejoicing comes in the morning.
⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
   “I will never be shaken.”
⁷ Lord, when you favored me,
   you made my royal mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
   I was dismayed.
⁸ To you, Lord, I called;
   to the Lord I cried for mercy:
⁹ “What is gained if I am silenced,
   if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
   Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
   Lord, be my help.”
¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
   you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
¹² that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
   Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

dinner idea

2011-03-01T16:57:00.000-08:00

Hey there!

Erik and I just wrapped up dinner. Tried a new recipe and really enjoyed it.

Cheeseburger Soup
If you look at the reviews, there are a lot of ways you can play with the recipe. I didn't have chicken broth, so I used beef broth. I also didn't add sour cream. It's a fun recipe though and tastes very good.

Have a wonderful night!

it's time to pray...

2011-02-24T06:45:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. There's something so beautiful about the fact that everything stopped on this night so they could pray. I want my prayers to be the same way... concentrated time with Him with the sweet innocence of a child. :-)

then vs. now

2011-02-23T12:57:00.000-08:00

I feel like at least 10 other ladies are pregnant right now. No, maybe it's closer to 20! Part of me thinks 20 is an exaggeration, but the other part says, "No, you could be right!"

Well, I happen to be at the age and time period where I know a lot of people having babies!!! It's really not that easy watching other people go through pregnancy -- and if you are one of the other people going through pregnancy, IT'S OKAY!!!! :-) (That's me emphasizing it for good measure!) I'm really excited for you. I just have a little ache inside where I wish I was still in a similar place as you.

Okay, the reason I said all that wasn't to conjure up any sympathy or tears... I'm at a point where part of me can't imagine having a kid right now because I am so busy! I can't even think about what would happen with a kid and/or a preggo belly!

I told my best girlfriend this and she said, "If you were pregnant, life would be different. You wouldn't be as busy. You are busy, though, because God knew you needed something to keep you moving so you wouldn't sit and mope."

Okay, I'm not quoting her exactly, but you get the idea. That helped me a lot. I have had questions like, Did God take Brody early because He needed me to do what I'm doing now and I couldn't do it with Brody here? No, He didn't! Since Brody went to Jesus early and since I was planning on being busy during the winter with pregnancy things, God gave me a new plan for the winter to stay busy with other things that weren't pregnancy related.

If Brody was still in my tummy, the things I am taking care of right now would (a.) not be necessary or (b.) be getting done by someone else.

God is the Master Architect. I don't always understand what that looks like or what that means, but He takes care of me and I do my best to continue to trust His plan and His hand working in my life and the lives around me. Although I'm a little nervous for it, I am super excited for the day when I'll be preggo again, but until then, I'll follow God's plan for me right now. He's paved a path for me that is good and I will walk in it.

happy valentines day!

2011-02-14T12:44:00.000-08:00

Some of you have probably seen these pictures before, but since Tuck and I had a mini photo session to get his valentine picture just right today, I thought I'd put a collage of all of Tuck's pictures with glasses on my blog to bring you a smile today. :-)

tucker, santa, and the future

2011-02-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

You know, I assumed keeping baby stuff around me would be really difficult, but on a whim a few months, I decided to not take down my little collection of presents Brody had already accumulated.

It's in a room I'm not in all that often so it has actually become a good thing for me. It's a reminder of the future - one day Erik and I will have a baby to fill these clothes. I look at it and think, "One day," and then I smile. I also think, "Goodness, Brody has already learned how to share. He's such a good boy!"

The one potential problem with where they are currently positioned... they are on a shelf at Tucker's eye level. Every once in a while, when I'm in the room, Tucker will come and look longingly at the giraffes. I know he wishes they were his. But if you've seen what Tuck does to stuffed animals, you know these will never be his.

Case in point... this is a $2 Santa toy from the dog store. It was on sale. I decided to let him have at it....

And that was just after a few hours... this is santa now....

Nope. Hopefully those giraffes will always be safely in my future kids' arms or in their toy box. :-)

Congrats to a Classy Team

2011-02-08T15:53:00.000-08:00

About 7-8 years ago, I remember listening to Chuck and Jon on the morning show at KTIS. They often played a song during football season "When a Vikings and a Packers fan fall in love" or something to that effect. I thought, That's a funny thing to sing about. Is that really a big deal?

Of course, as the way life goes, I - a Vikings fan - wound up marrying an avid Packers fan a few years later.

Funny how that works!

Two things have worked in our benefit. First, Erik is a Favre fan. He enjoys watching him play the game, so he's actually eased over to cheering for the Vikings - when they aren't playing Green Bay. Secondly, I like the idea of cheering for the team my husband likes and, as a result, I have grown to like the Packers as a team and the players on the team.

All that to say, this football marriage works nicely as we've both come to cheer on the other's team. Plus, one of our teams just won the Super Bowl!!!! (This was my first time watching a Super Bowl where I actually was a fan of one of the teams and really wanted one to win... insert Vikings comment here if you want - I will still remain a fan!)

I could write plenty of stories about the adversity the Packers overcame to win it all, the leaders on the team, the way the team members stepped up to support one another as they dealt with a lot of injured players, or the confidence they had approaching the season and the Super Bowl. All of them contain good lessons we can learn from as Christians.

What I do want to point out is something a reporter said about Aaron Rodgers. Erik's told me that Rodgers is a Christian. From the way he's handling everything and the fact that one of the people who coached him on the Super Bowl was Kurt Warner... I would guess that's a reality. This statement in an article caught my eye and confirmed those suspicions.

"...Did I mention that Pittsburgh has the best defense in football? Still, Sunday saw Rodgers join Kurt Warner as only the second quarterback to throw for 1,000 yards and nine touchdowns in a single postseason.

"And like Warner, Rodgers can do religion without being preachy.

“I don’t think He really cares who wins or loses,” Rodgers said."

(Click here for the full article.)

You know what I love about that? That Warner and Rodgers are in a class of their own and that "Rodgers [and Warner] can do religion without being preachy." The author recognizes that both are Christians, but people around them aren't put off by it. That's huge. Altogether too many Christians are preachy in their religion--and even in their lifestyles--to the point where no one wants to be around them.

I like the example that Rodgers and Warner provide for us as Christians in a very secular arena. In fact, Rodgers even said in his Letterman interview (which I saw on YouTube), that his type of leadership is to "lead by example."

I'd venture to guess there are more Christians on the Packers team. I think that's an extra reason why I'm happy with them winning this year. Kudos to them on a great year and here's to hoping for another great season. :-)

By the way, if you want to know my thoughts on Kurt Warner living as a Christian in a secular world, here's one of my blog posts from last fall. Enjoy!

Oh and thank you again to Aaron Rodgers, Kurt Warner, and other Christians who are going their best to live for Jesus in the middle of the public spotlight. You are making an impact in this world.

the strength God provides

2011-02-03T06:44:00.000-08:00

We've all prayed that prayer: "Lord, give me strength."

Today I was reminded of the kind of strength He gives:

I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. (Eph. 3:15, Msg.)

We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us. (Col. 1:11-12, Msg.)

Now that's a good kind of strength, isn't it?

:-)

the beauty in every season

2011-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

So I had another pouting moment this morning about the fact that I don't have a baby on the way like I was supposed to. It wasn't too terribly long of a pout; I decided it shouldn't be. Within an hour or so, I then remembered one of my favorite conversations ever. I had it with my friend who had been married around 6-7 years at the time. I was single. It was a friendly debate over who had it better: marrieds or singles. It went something like this...

Amy: Well, I have someone I can come home to.
Laura: I can do whatever I want whenever I want without checking in with anyone.
Amy: I have two incomes.
Laura: I don't have to get someone's okay before splurging on something.

It went on for at least another 2-3 rounds. I don't remember the other arguments, but here are a few possible other ones...
Amy: I have multiple Christmas dinners.
Laura: I don't have to buy presents for multiple families.
Amy: I get a tax break.
Laura: No one else is spending my money

You get the idea. Every stage of life has its benefits. Today I've been remembering why my life is so beautiful right now. I don't have kids (here on earth) but I do have an amazing husband and we can spend more quality time together without the extra time element of kids.

If you have kids right now, the beauty in your life is the smile on their faces and the joy each one brings you. The beauty in my life right now is that I'm not up in the night with a sleepless child or dealing with tantrums in the middle of Target or spending money on kids' needs.

I know, every parent is thinking, "It's worth it!" ... and it is! I thoroughly believe you. But it's also good for everyone in the various stages of life to remember there is beauty in every "season."

Singles - you are in a good place in life right now. Enjoy it!
Marrieds - you are in a good place in life right now. Enjoy it!
Marrieds w/kids - you are in a good place in life right now. Enjoy it!
Empty Nesters - you are in a good place in life right now. Enjoy it!

You will always be able to find an argument as to why another stage in life is better, but I think that's pretty foolish. If you're only wishing for what you don't have, you'll never enjoy what you do have.

Today has been my reminder that although Erik and I thought we'd be heading into the kid phase in a few months, we're not, and that's okay. That means we have another chunk of time to enjoy being just married. And that's a good thing.

dealing with the "why" question

2011-01-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Fair warning... long content. :-)

Prayer isn't always easy after a tragedy. Prayer, in fact, can be very frustrating because of that monstrous question "Why?" that looms over your head. Why didn't God change this? Why didn't God answer? Why did God let this happen?... as you well know, the list could go on.

As humans, that "why" question will unfortunately never be answered. The Holy Spirit may minister something to your heart to help soothe your questions and may even answer it, but the answer He gives you may make no sense to someone else. I think the biggest reason why the inevitable "why" will never be fully answered is because "now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely" (1 Corinthians 13:12 NLT).

We can't see the big picture. Only God can. So if we can never completely understand why God does what He does, how can we continue to pray?

We can continue to pray because we believe. We believe God is good. We believe God is true. We believe God can't lie and we believe that God is faithful to His Word. He will perform what He said He would do.

The phrase "believe the best" has stuck out to me over the past few weeks.

No matter what situation you are facing and no matter how bleak life may seem, you have every right and even the ability to believe for the best in that situation. Believe God will bring a miracle. Believe God will work on that person's heart. We can always believe for the miraculous because nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).

When my water broke, we believed and prayed for a miracle... that the amniotic fluid would build up, that a new sac would be made, that Brody would live through it all.

Now the fact that didn't happen doesn't change a thing. I still should and can always believe for the best in future situations because that's the kind of God I serve.

Here's an interesting story that I kept remembering while in the hospital. It's in 2 Samuel 11-12, the story of David and Bathsheba. Wait. It's not really the story of David and Bathsheba, but what happens after that. The punishment David had to face was that his baby son was going to die. Now I have no desire to get into Old Testament theology about God killing or anything like that. Let's just say that I believe God doesn't kill, but He does allow things to happen.

The interesting part is what happens next. David's son became ill. David knew the son was going to die, according to what the prophet said. Here's what David did: "David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them" (2 Samuel 12:16-17).

David believed for the best in that situation.

The child did die. When the servants finally told him what happened, look what David did: "David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

"[David's] attendants asked him, 'Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!'

"He answered, 'While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, "Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live." But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.' (verses 20-23).

I kept thinking of that in the hospital. David didn't have a faith failure when his six days of prayer and fasting weren't answered. He was simply believing for the best in that situation. When it didn't happen like he wanted, he got up and continued on with life. I'm sure he spent time grieving, but he didn't give up on God because of what he went through.

Situations often look like faith failures when prayers aren't answered the way we think should be, but I think it's completely wrong to base your theology on the prayers you think were left unanswered. How do you know that God didn't answer your prayer? Perhaps it was in a way that you couldn't understand! How do you know that His way wasn't a better option than yours?

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

This idea of always hoping and believing for the best in a situation reminds me of my dog, Tucker. Every time he hears you open a bag of food, open the fridge, open a cupboard door, or do anything related to food, he jumps up from his napping position and runs to find you. He patiently (okay, not always that patiently) begs with his eyes, his whining, and his vast amount of tricks (sit, lay, shake) in hopes that you will share with him.

No matter how many times we reject him, Tucker always comes back for more. You can almost see it in his eyes, "Maybe this will be the day you'll share!"

Erik and I let him lick our plates and share some small bits of food with him, but Tucker is always hoping for more.

I want that same persistence in life. The "why" question hinders persistence. True, I do have to deal with my questions in some fashion so I don't shove them so far inside that they explode years down the road. On the other hand, I can't let them hinder my persistence to come to Jesus.

Jesus will never stop loving me or taking care of me. The past may make me or even the people around me question why God allowed certain things, but those questions should never hinder me from persistently coming to Jesus through prayer.

These words may seem like I have it all figured out and am continually coming to God and don't have questions. That's not true at all. I know what to do; that doesn't always mean I do it. But I want to... and I know God will ultimately take my want and help me make it a reality.

Dear Brody

2011-01-24T15:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Brody,

I miss you a lot today. I picked up your birth certificate from the county. The guy who helped me was so nice. He teared up when he realized that although you were born, you're now in heaven. He shared some of his story with me and it was nice to know that even strangers support me and wish I didn't have to go through this. I was probably one of the few people who leave a county service center crying.

I was talking to your dad today and wondered out loud if you have his sense of humor. I love picturing your little profile pic from your 19-week ultrasound. I'm excited to see pictures from your birthday so I can remember your precious little face. I know they will be tough to see, but they will definitely make me smile. Those moments with you were some of the proudest moments of my life.

I so wish you could have stayed around, but I know heaven has no pain, so I'm so relieved and happy that you are in a good place, even better than where daddy and I are at... such a weird thing to comprehend! I wonder what you'll look like when I see you in heaven. I've heard a bunch of speculation and stories from people. I kinda hope you'll still be a little kid up there so daddy and I can watch you grow up, at least a little, but only God knows how age and time and all that stuff works in heaven.

It's kinda tough to realize that unless Jesus interrupts life as we know it with the rapture, I'll be spending lots of time here on earth before coming to see you. I know time does fly, but that's still a good chunk of time to fly by. I know, in hindsight, once we're in eternity and with Jesus, it will all be just a blink of an eye. I can't comprehend that right now, but it is good to know.

I know some really good kids down here on earth who would have been your playmates... and maybe even a few girls that you could have married in the future! hehe hehe... funny how your mommy thinks. There's this one boy named Aiden who is really the loudest two-year-old I know, but he's super, super wonderful! He would have been your pseudo-big brother. He already plays the drums on his own drum set and every time he sees your daddy he starts to sing the theme song to "Flyway Highway," a fishing show. Makes me smile.

I could go on about the kids you would have played with, but I won't. You're probably watching from heaven and already know about all these kids. :) That's what Jesus tells us in the Bible - Hebrews 12 - that a great cloud of witnesses is watching what we are doing and cheering us on here on earth. I think that's where you and Brian are. Know that daddy and I love you a lot. We wish you were here, but are super glad you are safe and God has adopted you into his family. He's a wonderful daddy. He's my daddy too... isn't that funny? He's your daddy right now and my daddy and daddy's daddy (and the list could go on... He's daddy to a lot of people, but then you probably learned that quickly up there in heaven!).

One day we're going to have another baby here on earth. It's a little intimidating to go through that whole pregnancy process again, since all my memories about pregnancy have to do with you, but know that you will always be our firstborn son. You and your memories will never be replaced, but you'll always be a part of our family. Your brothers and sisters will know about you and be super excited to meet you when they meet Jesus one day too.

For the record, I really hope you have daddy's eyes and nose and that you get that same mischievous glint in your eye that he does. (Can you get a mischievous glint in your eye in heaven???)

Daddy's coming home soon from work, so I'm going to start on dinner, and then get a big hug from him. Know that I love you and we're always remembering you with love.

Love,
Mommy

reality hits... like American Idol

2011-01-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, reality hits me that both my brother and son died within a little over a year. That stinks. That shouldn't happen. I don't dwell on that reality a lot, but sometimes it hits and I think, "Gosh, that's sad!" and have a good cry moment.

It's somewhat funny to admit, but American Idol auditions now officially make me cry because of what I've been through. It started last year or maybe the year before and I'd tear up during every contestant's back story who had cancer or lost a sibling or went through tragedy. I'm sitting there on the other side of the TV screen, willing them to go on saying, I hear ya! It's horrible.

Last night made my crying official though (previous years I just "teared up"!). We had taped this week's American Idol shows and watched them last night. We came to the last audition and it was about a girl who got pregnant at 18 and the way the story was going, I thought she was going to say she lost her baby, but instead her baby made it and she's now a mother to a special needs girl. Her story isn't exactly like mine, but I was thinking of Brody when she talked about her daughter and my tears freely flowed and I sobbed right along with J. Lo.

Funny how that works, but all of us can really relate to each other at different points in our lives. We really want the people who have gone through junk but are dealing with it well to succeed in life (and in this case, American Idol!). It's as though we're willing the girl whose father has throat cancer to sing better and we're secretly hoping the cocky guy doesn't make it.

Heh heh... that word "cocky" conjures up so many images of contestants on American Idol... most of whom you watch and think, Really? I mean, I'm glad they have self-confidence, but they definitely have a little too much confidence and someone, somewhere has inflated their ego in the wrong way and told them they can sing....

Either way, it's fun to find a gem of a person in the middle of a crowd of wannabes. I think that's why the premise of American Idol--and so many other reality shows--work.

I'm laughing now at the way this post has gone because it started off with my random bouts of sadness and grief and ended up talking about American Idol. ... Can anyone say "spaghetti" brain? :-) But hey, that's probably a good representation of how I deal with my grief. When moments of sadness come, I take them and walk through them, but ultimately, I move on, thinking about whatever else comes my way. And if I have nothing else to think about, I always go back to Psalm 23. I quote it in my brain. That, and other Scripture. So glad I have God's Word memorized so it comes out when I need it.

Funny story (at least to me!)... last night, I was having a little trouble slowing my mind down to go to sleep, so I pictured myself piping icing onto a cake, writing the letters of whatever verse I was running through my head. :-) It must have worked... I did fall asleep eventually!

Anyway... hope you all have an awesome Saturday dealing with whatever comes your way. God is your strength and can bring you to the top of any mountain you face and bring you through any valley. It might be a long road or a difficult climb, but it is possible and it is worth it.

update on Brian's family

2011-01-19T13:12:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone,

I was thinking some of you might appreciate an update on Cristina and the girls (my brother's family). They are doing well. Cristina got married this past August to a wonderful guy named Josh. He's been awesome taking care of my brother's family and really making them his own family while preserving and cherishing memories of Brian. (Thank you, Josh! You have no idea what that means to me and my parents!) We got a video on Brian's birthday of the girls singing happy birthday to daddy. It was absolutely precious! They are now farther away from us, which stinks, but technology helps us stay a little closer through pictures and Skype.

Here are some latest pics of the girls that my mom took when she visited them recently. (from top to bottom - Chloe, Angelica, and Julia)

I think my parents and I will agree. We are so happy and thankful to God that Cristina and the whole fam is settled and doing well. God is taking care of them just as he is taking care of us. I think Brian would proud of them as well.

Hugs~

P.S. Too bad Brian can't just post pics of Brody right now since they are together. Oh well. I'll have to be patient and wait until heaven.

The truth about Pastor Mac Hammond

2011-01-13T10:03:00.000-08:00

Pastor Mac Hammond… the very name makes some people cringe.

Unfortunately, those same people who cringe have unfounded reasons for disliking him. They disagree with what they see and hear is his lifestyle, yet they don’t take the time to know (or care) about him as a person and what he truly desires in life.

Usually, these people have a problem with pastors or ministers being rich. They think it’s inappropriate. Now, I’m not going to get into an argument about the prosperity gospel and whether or not God wants people to be rich or blessed. Whatever side you are on, it’s an opinion and you probably think you’re right no matter what the other person has to say.

Let’s instead look at a person’s character. In this case, Pastor Mac Hammond. These people who don’t like Pastor Mac have slandered his character and his decisions simply based on their assumptions of what his lifestyle is. That’s rude, uncalled for, and inappropriate. You can have your opinion and disagree with me, but don’t slander people’s reputations or characters based on your opinion of what you think they should do or say.

That’s childish.

Pastor Mac Hammond is one of the kindest people I know and has extreme integrity in his decisions. I know him as a congregation member and acquaintance/friend. At this point, the “bashers” of Hammond’s character are so biased I don’t know that they will listen to anything I’ll say. But I will comment—for the sake of any who will hear—that Pastor Mac is one of the most generous, caring people I know. His intent in talking about money at church is solely because he knows the people who truly grasp his teaching will be blessed in return by God.

Some of you may scoff at that simple statement, but I know it's true.

What about the people who give away all their money and life savings to preachers? I do feel bad for them, but I know that isn’t everyone in the congregation. It’s a few people out of thousands upon thousands. People who give their money away to preachers misunderstand what that preacher is trying to say and/or take it to the extreme for reasons unbeknownst to us.

Thousands upon thousands of people (around the world, mind you) have heard the ministry of Mac Hammond, Kenneth Copeland, and these other so-called “prosperity preachers” and had their lives completely changed—in a good way—because of what they’ve learned. Period. You can’t argue with that fact. These people are happy, helping others, and financially stable because of the principles they have learned through these ministers.

It’s ironic that these people who hate the “prosperity gospel” have a problem with prospering ministers—people who help people become better in life—but have no problem with athletes, musicians, and actors who are paid many more millions to provide entertainment to people—and often not beneficial, sometimes harmful entertainment. Really? Is that where our priorities are, people?

Someone commented on the millions of dollars they see in these preachers’ lifestyles and say it should be given to the poor. I say the same thing for the billions upon billions of dollars given to the entertainment industry. (How much did Hollywood spend on their latest blockbuster? It would save a third world country!)

Yes, some actors/musicians are generous with their money (I love hearing about that!), but in case you didn’t know, Living Word (Pastor Mac’s church) has given away over 30 million dollars since 1993. I have no idea how much Copelands have given away, but I’m sure the number is similar if not much more.

I’ve talked enough, and I could talk much, much more. If you have further arguments or questions, let me know. I am not here to argue with you, but I will do my best to present the other side of this story that is so clearly lacking in the newspaper articles that have been written to this point.

By the way, I’m a story of a life affected by Pastor Mac’s ministry. I lost my brother and my baby son in the past year and a half and I guarantee that I would not be doing as well as I am if it hadn’t been for the ministry of God’s Word provided through Pastor Mac Hammond’s church, Living Word Christian Center. Plus, when my husband first started hearing Pastor Mac minister, he was grateful for all he learned about how God wanted us to use our money.

Money matters in life. Period. (You try living without it!) Preachers can and should talk about money and how to use it, because money is where people most often make mistakes in life. People will continue to make mistakes about money, but that won’t and shouldn’t stop preachers from helping people learn how to spend money according to God’s Word.

over six weeks later

2011-01-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

Wow. I've had about ten ideas for a blog post run in and out of my head over the past week... and I'm still not sure which to land on.

So I'll just post an update. :-)

Erik and I had a great time in Florida last week on vacation. He has pics on his facebook and I have a video on mine of some of the deep sea fishing we did... aka the big fish he caught and the octopus I landed! I loved being out on the sea - especially since we had an absolutely perfect day weather-wise. Pretty much no wind, just the swells of the gulf. We were about 25 miles away from shore! Awesome! (And yes, I thanked God a lot on that day, especially as we were riding to and from our fishing spot!)

Getting back into routine after vacation has been a little sad - not too much, just a little. My six-week recovery is up and my little vacation that happened to land at the end of that is up too. That means life back to normal. I think the stinky part is January and February aren't my favorite months of the year because of winter and there's not a ton of "stuff" going on during those months (no major holidays, etc.) and you can't just go and hang out with someone outside. It's a little too cold for that! This fall, I was excited because January and February were going to be completely different - filled with baby showers and planning. I'm still adjusting that's not true any more... and it will be a process over the next few months as things are completely different than I initially planned.

Sometimes I look at a baby and realize that is what I would have in my arms if Brody had been able to stick around until full-term. That's tough. I do realize that even though we have to walk out each day (which can be very tough), time does go quickly, and before I know it, time will have passed and I'll be pregnant again and have a different outcome.

Erik did get me a wonderful Christmas present - a beautiful ring that has Brody's birthstone in it. It reminds me of him so much and I love wearing it. I have both of my boys represented on my hands now - Erik on the left and Brody on the right. :-) I guess it's a way for me to show the value of Brody's life and remember it always.

Physically, I'm about 90% there. Emotionally, I overall feel much more like myself, especially thinking back to a month ago.

You know, one difficult thing is the memories of those horrific moments when life changed. I know I'm not the only one who deals with memories. If you've experienced something traumatic, you remember the phone call or the moment that changed your life forever. And it's scary when you think those thoughts because the emotions of those moments can overwhelm you. For me, the way I cope with it is to not dwell on it and put it out of mind as soon as possible. Perhaps journals or writings will come from those feelings in the future. Right now, I might be too close to them.

I think that's all I'll post for now. On a fun note, I made macaroni and cheese soup last night. Mac and cheese has always been one of my favorite dishes and Food Network has a recipe with half the calories - the soup! So I made it and thoroughly enjoyed it. In case you'd like to see it for yourself, here's a link.

Have a wonderful week!

Let's get fat!

2011-01-05T07:29:00.000-08:00

"...He that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat." Proverbs 28:25

Don't you just love the English translation of this verse? I wonder what we would do - especially us ladies - if this was the literal translation of the original text? Maybe Christians' new years resolutions couldn't include anything about losing weight because that would be what God has rewarded us with for our trust in Him!

Thankfully the verse doesn't mean He'll make us physically fat. That word "fat" actually means to anoint or to satisfy. I like that. When we put our trust in God, He'll satisfy us with good things.

The opposite of trusting in God comes in the next verse. "He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool..." (28:26).

No, thank you. I'd prefer not to be a fool!

We can't trust God and at the same time trust our heart. In fact, the beginning of Proverbs 28:25 pretty much says the same thing. "He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat."

Now here's where it gets interesting. When I first read that, I thought to myself, the person who is proud is trusting himself and thinking that his own way is better than God's. When we do that, we stir up strife because we're putting ourselves in front of others.

I looked up the word "proud" in the Strong's concordance (thanks to the Strong's app on my mom's iPad!) and found out that word actually means "roomy... in any or every direction, literally or figuratively... broad, large, at liberty, proud, wide."

Now, I'll be pondering this a while, but here are my initial thoughts (and jump in if you have additional thoughts!). If you have a proud or roomy heart, you are allowing more into your life than God intended. You have a lot of space available for different ideas - including ideas that will cause you to butt heads with those around you.

When you trust God, you avidly run to Him for refuge. You are confident, sure, and bold in Him and His decisions and direction. A roomy heart isn't necessarily open to accept only God's direction. You are open to receive more, and you'll find yourself in a lot more trouble and strife with others when you go that direction.

As soon as I read that word "roomy" it made me think of Matthew 7:13-14.

"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."

Today and this year, I want my trust in God to increase more and more. I want my life to become more and more focused on Him and His will for me and not be open to accepting anything less than that, because as it is in this verses, following our own heart and our own desires is a very, very bad idea!

One other thought. If we go back to the last part of Prov. 28:25, we can re-read it like this: "He that trusts in the Lord will be satisfied or anointed." That reminded me of this...

"Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name... who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's." (Psalm 103: 1, 5)

which reminded me of...

"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

"Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Even in the middle of adversity when we would probably prefer to trust in what we can see and our own instincts since adversity can seem so overwhelming and scary, the Lord will help us rise above it as we trust in Him.

How's that for a new year's goal? I resolve to get fat as I trust in God, more and more. Heh heh... okay it sounds better to say, I resolve to trust in God more. I know He'll fill my life with good things as a result.

happy new year!

2011-01-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

1-11-11

Another year is upon us. CRAZY! I love what Erik's aunt posted on my wall a couple months ago. "You will hold [Brody] again soon. Time has a way of going fast. I think the Lord sometimes does that for a reason. That way we can see our loved ones again and know that the ones we left behind will be joining us again before long."

I love that! Thanks, Aunt Darlene!

Today is also Brian's birthday! Happy 32nd, big brother! Not sure if they celebrate earth birthdays in heaven, but we are thinking of you with love. Fun memory: last night my dad played an audio clip of me when I was about 2 years old and he was asking me to say a bunch of different words. I used to call my brother "Bah-gie" instead of Brian. Not sure why... Brian seems much easier to say!

So on this tape (which Dad turned into an mp3) Dad would say to me, "Say morning!" And I'd say "Morning!" It went something like this:

Say Brian "Bri... Br... "Bah- gie"
No, say Brian "Bri... Br... "Bah-gie"
No, Brian "Nooooo...(I was very frustrated!) Bah-gie."
"Martha" (my mom's name) "Mar... Mar... Mommy."
"Morning" "Morning!"
"Night-night" "Night-night!"
"Brian" "Bah-gie."

My Uncle Craig took up calling Brian "Bahgie" for years after I learned how to say Brian. Brian didn't like it very much, but grew to tolerate it. Heh heh... he can't stop me right now, so Happy Birthday, Bahgie!

Ahh, Brian was such a wonderful brother! So glad he's my family. Yay!

Oh another cool note about today ... I just found out my friends, Noah and Shamim Buck, are celebrating 11 years of being together today. They met on 1-11-00 at the turn of the millennium and are celebrating 11 years together on 1-1-11. Love it!

I had a lot of different thoughts run through my head today about what I should post regarding the New Year. As I was reading my Bible, I came to a section that I thought would be perfect. No matter how much adversity you face, always remember this:

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, 'For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.') No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39, NLT)

Happy New Year and always remember God loves each one of us!

a confession.

2010-12-30T14:58:00.000-08:00

Wow, I just realized a really strange contradiction in my mind.

One of the things I've been SO grateful for over the past three years of crazy trials, junk, difficulty, adversity (whatever you want to call it!) is the base of Christianity I was blessed to embrace as a kid. ... the key word in that is "embrace." Somehow by God's grace I embraced my relationship with God and made it personal at a young age. That foundation has kept me steady and grounded in the middle of this, and I'm so grateful for every service, message, moment spent in God's presence in the first 20-some years of my life.

In fact, I've purposely thought, I want people younger than me to have that same type of foundation built in their lives. I want them to have the foundation I had so that when difficulties come, they can face it. (P.S. I think a lot of that foundation comes from being in the presence of the Lord!!!)

Here's where the contradiction comes. More recently I've found myself looking at people younger than me who are all enthusiastic about Jesus and look totally sold out to Jesus worshiping Him and think, "Well, they wouldn't be quite like that if they've been through what I've been through. Just wait until they face crazy difficulty like I have...."

The contradiction probably seems obvious to you, but it took me a while... I have wished and wanted and prayed that people younger than me will take time to grow the base of a relationship with God that I did... and now I'm watching and wishing they were going through the same questions I am.

Totally wrong. And, yes, I'm being perfectly honest and blunt, so no judging. :)

I do pretty good at reminding myself that everyone has their own trials and no trial looks alike from person to person. These people I see and am perhaps jealous of might have already gone through worse than me. They might even still be in the middle of it. They may never go through something as traumatic.

Don't get me wrong. I don't wish that anyone will have to deal with the deaths that I've had to deal with. I know people won't. I also know that some people will... that's the nature of life. You and I will always find someone who has gone through something worse and something better than what we've gone through.

But I think the bigger thing is that I need to remember what Paul wrote in Romans 12:15. You and I need to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.

For me, I think the "rejoice with others" is really tough for me at times. I'm not sure why. Probably that big old "p" word... pride. My pride wants attention. I want the good things.

Yikes... it's dangerous to post something this blunt. Perhaps I'm not alone though. Pride is a deadly killer and comes in the most insidious ways.

Well, if I go back to a previous post of mine , every good thing that happens to other people is actually beneficial to me, especially when they are part of the body of Christ. As the body, we support each other and if another portion of the body gets stronger, in essence, I get stronger because I'm a part of the same structure.

Interesting how that works.

Lord, please forgive me for being jealous of others who haven't been through what I've been through. Help me to remember we all have our own share of adversity and it all looks different. And help me to remember to change my focus from earth to heaven... (that can be so tricky!) especially when I'm sad or frustrated.

Remind me and all of my family and friends that they are loved by You today.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

writing news!

2010-12-29T15:33:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a nice Christmas and are getting ready to have a nice New Year's! This week between holidays is always kinda relaxed, isn't it? Or I suppose it may be crazy depending on what job you work. :-)

We had a nice Christmas with both of our families. Relaxing. Enjoyable. Played our second game of Quelf and yes, I got a rule that during the game I had to snort every time I laughed. And the global rule was that all of us had to end our sentences with "izzle." Glad I had my flip camera with me. Fun times... and if that all makes no sense to you, play the game Quelf with family or close friends and you'll find out!

So my big writing news is that I have been published again! YAY! I am a contributing author in the book Heavenly Humor for the Chocolate Lover's Soul (published by Barbour Books). Three original writings/devos of mine are in the book... and stories about my dad, mom, Erik, and his friend, Drew. Click here for the publisher's info sheet on it.

God has been so good to me in my writing adventures. He's been faithful to bring me writing opportunities I never dreamed I would have... I'm excited to see what He has in store for my future!

thoughts on the glory of Christmas

2010-12-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

You know, the more I live, the more simplistic my prayers become as I realize I don't know how to interpret life correctly. I only can do my best to present what I know before God and trust that He will follow through as He knows best.

It's easy to think we know how prayers should be responded to, but if you look at the Christmas story, it was nothing like Israel expected. When they heard the Messiah was coming, they were expecting a king and a kingdom, not a baby and a manger. The answer Israel had been looking for came in a way they never expected.

In addition to that, Jesus came in the humblest circumstances possible. He was born in a stable and visited by the shepherds, some of the lowliest people at that time. Think about Mary's pregnancy... it had a cloud of shame over it as people all around watched an unwed mother go through pregnancy--intensely frowned upon at that time.

What people didn't know was that God was working a miracle in the middle of what they saw as shame.

I wonder how often God is answering prayers right before our eyes without us realizing it. Two thousand years later, we look at Christmas and we have the benefit of hindsight (hindsight is 20/20!). We can see the full truth. In fact, we even take the Christmas story for granted.

The fact of the matter is... Jesus has been, is, and always will be. He is eternal. He is God. Yet He came to earth in the form of a baby. It's incomprehensible that God came and became human to save us from eternal damnation.

I know, it might not sound as revelatory on paper (okay, the computer screen) to you as it is to me, but maybe it will spark a few new thoughts for you. :) Today,

I'm pondering the wonder and the glory of God that is revealed through that act of sending Jesus to earth. Jesus became human. Erik and I are reading a book right now that talks about Jesus and says that He is the glory of God, and I think, the Christmas story really is the embodiment of that phrase. Jesus' coming to earth really is the way that God has shown us His glory. True, the earth and creation declares the glory of God (Psalm 19:1), and really, God could have stopped there and only allowed His glory to be seen through that, but He didn't. He chose to show us His glory by giving us Himself, both in Jesus and in the eternal life we can have with Him when we accept Him into our lives.

All of these ponderings really make me grateful for my salvation. God didn't have to save me. He didn't have to send Jesus. He didn't even have to make me. But He did. He chose me. He chose to provide me with salvation. He didn't have to, but He did because He is pure love. He radiates love for you and me. He is love.

Plans don't always go as expected here on earth; the Christmas story really is a bunch of unexpected turns of events tied together to make the most beautiful story of all time.

God is the Master Planner, and even when we can't see His plan being revealed, even when hurt or shame surrounds us, He is there working. Try to imagine experiencing a God-given pregnancy before marriage, the lowliest of people (shepherds) having visions, Mary and Joseph experiencing death threats on their baby, the mass destruction of a generation (all babies under 2). Nothing of that sounds good. So many conditions of this story don't line up with what we call the picture of a good God... but it is again the most beautiful story tied together by the Master Planner and set in the middle of a world filled with evil.

Wow. I could ramble on and on about this, but instead I'll end with two things... First, I don't know who all reads my blog. I assume it's mostly my friends and family, but in case there's someone who reads this who doesn't yet know about God, you have one of the greatest opportunities ahead of you: the opportunity to accept God into your life. I could lay out what I believe here, but you can also call 1-888-NEED-HIM or visit www.needhim.org. I know they can help you get where you need to be.

Secondly, it's Christmas tomorrow and Christmas Eve today. Whatever you are doing, go ahead and take a moment to think through your idea of the awesomeness of God. What's your favorite puzzling moment of the Christmas story that just makes your head tilt and think, God really is amazing? I'll be thinking about that today too.

I didn't plan to go rambling on like this, but it's helped me a lot this morning as I head into a Christmas that Erik and I really hadn't prepared a lot for because of all that we've been through physically and emotionally. It will be a good weekend because we're celebrating our Lord.

I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating Christmas. :-)

Merry Christmas!!!!

more about monday

2010-12-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

Brody has the honor of being buried right near my brother. My great-great-grandfather purchased the plot over 100 years ago. Crazy that it's being helpful to us so many years later. When we had the service, since it was snowing, we couldn't see any of the grave markers. I was really happy when my dad uncovered Brian's grave marker during the service. I said, "There he is!" :) It made me happy walking up to the grave that my brother was going to be there.

The little casket had something very special on it: a heart that said "loved and cherished." I love that. Very special to me.

Last night I was pondering the phrase from Psalm 23 "the valley of the shadow of death." I used to think that meant death wouldn't come to Christians because it was only a shadow. After thinking through some things (including Brody's passing and Brian's passing), I wonder if that means that death will come and affect you as a Christian and a child in God's care, but it's only a shadow of what death really feels like.

Think about what a shadow is: it's an outline of something, but it has no harm attached to it. That "thing" it is a shadow of is there, but the shadow is harmless (except if you are a photographer and it is blocking your sunlight!). Shadows don't hurt. They have no sting. (See 1 Corinthians 15:55.)

For Christians, death hurts because its presence means the absence of something else, but thanks to God, death is only a shadow of what it could be because Jesus defeated it on the cross when He made way for us to have eternal life with God. Death does bring hurt, but as David explained in Psalm 23, even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't have to fear evil because God is with us. His rod and his staff (shepherd's tools) will comfort us.

I like that a lot.

I'm sure musings from Monday will continue to come, but for now, I'll head on to other things... one reason I love my family is because they surround you with fun at just the right time. On Monday after Brody's service, we had food and shared stories and a ton of laughs and then made Danish pastry in the kitchen, thanks to my mother-in-law and her recipe. It was delish and definitely not lo-cal. Yay for good food!

We also had fun doing ballet and clogging and singing... oh the things you do with family (and I don't think I'm supposed to share that on a blog that can be seen by anyone!!! Heh heh...). Oh and the guys were there, but we didn't get their picture while they watched the Vikings not do well. Erik did help make the Danish pastry, although we didn't take his picture. He's an amazing husband who thoroughly enjoys helping bake and cook. He actually did most of the work of rolling out the pastry dough - thank you, honey!

On another fun note, my sis-in-law, JoLynn, stayed in town for the next couple days and we headed to the dollar theater to see Megamind on Tuesday. I'd maybe rate it a 2 out of 4 stars. It was rather predictable and reminded me of The Incredibles and other such movies quite often. It had an original twist to the movie, of course, which is why it was made. I have some random thoughts on that movie, which I think I'll post another time.

Hugs to you and may God bless your day and this Christmas week.

happy one month in heaven

2010-12-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

Hmmm I wrote a wonderful blog yesterday about Brody's graveside service, but I don't think it saved or posted!!! Too weird! I'm bummed because my carefully typed words from yesterday have evaporated into the technological space of nothingness where lost documents go... oh well. (Who knows, maybe it will randomly appear somewhere...)I'll try to recap it for my own sake...

Erik's status update yesterday was well stated. "One month ago today we met our little Man for a brief few moments! Today we say a temporary goodbye!..."

Our little Brody man was born November 20, 2010. Yesterday was December 20, 2010, and we had a small graveside service with my parents and Erik's immediate family. It provided closure for me that I didn't realize I needed. It was our time to honor his life and the imprint he's left in ours. His life, although short here on earth, was a gift of life from God and now he's blessed with the gift of eternal life in heaven.

By the way, Brody has been a month in heaven according to earth time. I wonder how long that time looks like in heaven!

Yes, it snowed, and driving to and from the grave site was really bad weather. But at least it was an adventure... of some sort. :) There was something oddly special about the falling snow during the service. We all had umbrellas to block the snow (thanks to my dad!). It was short, but very personal and perfect to remember Brody by. It was a reminder that Erik and I entered a new season of life, one unexpected. I suppose it's like a snowstorm in the middle of July--you don't expect it at all. As we journey through this new season, it's important to let the positive and the painful memories be worked through mentally and emotionally.

Psalm 23 is the verse that has provided stability for me, all through the week at the hospital and yesterday as I was picking out my clothes and thinking, No one should ever have to pick out clothes for their son's funeral. And it was cool because our pastor friend who did the service used that verse without realizing that has been one of my lifeline verses.

I don't remember what else I was going to say... so I'll write again another day. Until then... here's Psalm 23 from the KJV.

-----
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

my recovery continues

2010-12-17T13:36:00.000-08:00

My physical recovery is continuing to go well. The doctors said it will take six weeks for my body to go back to pre-pregnancy state and I'm almost four weeks through. Yay!

My strength is gradually coming back. I still need to be careful and drink lots of water and take iron pills... I'm not quite there yet, but I'm feeling more like myself and love being able to do stuff again.

And the reason for the post is because I was finally able to make dinner again - and not just help Erik fry up fish or put lettuce in a bowl for a salad. I made some soup for Erik to have in his lunches and I want to recommend the recipe. :-)

Here's the link to it: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Vegetable-Beef-Soup/Detail.aspx

Erik and I both really liked the broth and the veggie mix seems very flexible - read some reviews for opinions and thoughts on what can be altered. Also, I followed one review's recommendation to double the liquid, Worcestershire, and dry mustard, and that gave it enough liquid.

So if you need a good recipe to add to your collection, this is an easy one for which you may just be able to use food already in your pantry and freezer. (Oh and that was the whole point... I was trying to find a soup I could make with stuff in the house and this worked!) Oh and I didn't have parsley, so that wasn't in our soup.

Super glad the weekend is here! Yay!